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Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v.1

Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v. 1
Environment issue has become the center of the global debates in recent years. Several people are claimed that the public should pay attention to the natural world by considering it as an obligation; however, opponents concede that it is a duty of the governing authority. This essay will outline both perspectives. On the one hand, it is undeniable that one should work as a caretaker of the surroundings. First of all, nowadays individuals prefer private vehicles to and from work sites. Consequently, it causes noise and air pollution; therefore, workers should utilize public automobiles, which would be beneficial not only to protect the environment but also to preserve the natural sources, such as biofuels. Besides this, citizens should plant more trees in order to filter air, as well as regulate the temperature of the earth. For instance, a survey from the Environment Department of India reported, if masses adopt the pooling system, it will be alleviated traffic congestion on the roads; ultimately, it leads to mitigate the level of contaminated air. On the other side, the government plays a pivotal role to save the mother nature. Primarily, a higher authority should make stringent laws against people who create hindrances in nature. Since it will restrict them from interfering in the environment. Additionally, an authority must include an environmental subject in the school curriculum because it assists students in gaining knowledge of the significance of the surroundings. For example, the learners of Banaras Hindu University in India made the solar auto-rickshaws in 2018, are used inside the campus to avoid pollution. To conclude, despite one should focus on devoir regarding nature, the government also must shield it by introducing legislation to an offender of the natural world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Environment
issue has become the center of the global debates in recent years. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are claimed
that the public should pay attention to the natural world by considering it as an obligation;
however
, opponents concede that it is a duty of the governing authority. This essay will outline both perspectives.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that one should work as a caretaker of the surroundings.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays individuals prefer private vehicles to and from work sites.
Consequently
, it causes noise and air pollution;
therefore
, workers should utilize public automobiles, which would be beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to preserve the natural sources, such as biofuels.
Besides
this, citizens should plant more trees in order to filter air,
as well
as regulate the temperature of the earth.
For instance
, a survey from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Environment
Department of India reported, if masses adopt the pooling system, it will
be alleviated
traffic congestion on the roads;
ultimately
, it leads to mitigate the level of contaminated air.

On the other side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plays a pivotal role to save the mother nature.
Primarily
, a higher authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stringent laws against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who create hindrances in nature.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
it will restrict them from interfering in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Additionally
, an authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include an environmental subject in the school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it assists students in gaining knowledge of the significance of the surroundings.
For example
, the learners of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banaras
Hindu University in India made the solar auto-rickshaws in 2018, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
inside the campus to avoid pollution.

To conclude
, despite one should focus on
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoir
regarding nature, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
shield it by introducing legislation to an offender of the natural world.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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