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Some young adults prefer to live independently, while some continue to live with their parents? Which do you support. v.1

Some young adults prefer to live independently, while some continue to live with their parents? Which do you support. v. 1
Generally speaking, it is better for young adults to continue living with their parents rather than living independently without parental support. My viewpoint will be substantiated in forthcoming paragraphs emphasizing on two salient reasons. First, it is beneficial from financial point of view. Parents have already gone through a lot of financial difficulties and they exactly know how to manage money properly. On top of that, these days it is very expensive to rent a house, buy a car or fulfill our living cost in general. So, when young people live with their parents, they will be supported financially. By the way of example, I vividly remember how grueling it was for me to manage my finances when I tried to live independently during my undergraduate study. On one side, I had to pay my college fees and also manage all school supplies, on other hand; I had to spend money on food. For this, I even lived on cramped apartment and sometimes I skipped my meals as well. Had I lived with my parents, I would have been supported financially whenever I had difficulties. Second, living with parents is also beneficial as they will guide us in proper decision making process during dilemma, particularly when young people try to decide their career paths. Parents are the ones who know us our entire life. They know our interests, hobbies and our capabilities. In this sense, trying to decide our future career without parental guidelines drives me crazy. For example, after finishing high school, my sister had a great dilemma. She was confused whether to pursue undergraduate study or go for vocational training. Though it is a dream of everyone to get a job early, that may cost us in future without proper education. Realizing the fact that the world is competitive, my parents urged her to study rather than going for vocational training. Now, she has established herself in a big multinational company. Had she decided to go for short term vocational training she might not be where she is today and our parents played a great role in this regard as well. So, it is better to live with parents as they can guide us during hard times. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments maintained, I’m of the opinion that young individuals should stay with their parents. This is mainly because it is important to consider finances and also helps young people in proper decision making during difficult situations.
Generally
speaking, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
without parental support. My viewpoint will
be substantiated
in forthcoming paragraphs emphasizing on two salient reasons.

First
, it is beneficial from financial point of view.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have already gone through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
difficulties and
they exactly know how to manage money
properly
.
On top of that
, these days it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to rent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a car or fulfill our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
cost
in general
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they will
be supported
financially
. By the way of example, I
vividly
remember how grueling it was for me to manage my finances when I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
during my undergraduate study. On one side, I had to pay my college fees and
also
manage all school supplies, on other hand; I had to spend money on food. For this, I even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
on cramped apartment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I skipped my meals
as well
. Had I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I would have
been supported
financially
whenever I had difficulties.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is
also
beneficial as they will guide us in proper
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
process during dilemma,
particularly
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to decide their career paths.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the ones who know us our entire life. They know our interests, hobbies and our capabilities. In this sense, trying to decide our future career without parental guidelines drives me crazy.
For example
, after finishing high school, my sister had a great dilemma. She
was confused
whether to pursue undergraduate study or go for vocational training. Though it is a dream of everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job early, that may cost us in future without proper education. Realizing the fact that the world is competitive, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
urged her to study
rather
than going for vocational training.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she has established herself in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Had she decided to go for short term vocational training she might not be where she is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
played a great role in this regard
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they can guide us during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments maintained, I’m of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals should stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider finances and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in proper
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
during difficult situations.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults prefer to live independently, while some continue to live with their parents? Which do you support. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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