Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think children in secondary school should study international news as part of the curriculum. Other think that this would be a waste of time as there are already too many subject for children to concentrate on. Discuss both view and give your v.2

Some people think children in secondary school should study international news as part of the curriculum. Other think that this would be a waste of time as there are already too many subject for children to concentrate on. 2
Educational institutions offer better curriculum for talented students. While the majority of people argue that would be useful to include international news as a subject in the secondary school curriculum, others believe that this is a waste of student’s time since they are already overloaded with particularly subjects. However, I utterly believe that curriculum reform in which afford overseas issue is done for good educational ones and creating opportunities for secondary school students. Admittedly, international publishes have to be learned by secondary students since coming as main subject to be accepted as students in overseas. As an obvious fact, remaining 90% senior high school curriculum in China introduce BBC and CNN news to broad student’s horizons for reaching the achievement of international recognize qualification. As a result, such international news actually help students to compete with positive views of globalization. Conversely, unless specific subjects address concerted efforts whether they are more likely to suit best time to learn their overloaded lessons as students have to learn overtime about 3-to-5 hours per days. Therefore several education systems may ultimately be judged in terms of equality of international news which is inherent in the system. For instance, Education of Ministry in Indonesia perceives huge the proportion of secondary school curriculum accounted for over 12 primary subjects which students are crammed for it, in long term, have the effect of depressing opportunity for the less focusing on. As consequence, students push studying without deep understanding. Alternatively, in my view I believe that reducing overloaded subject then including international news can support to make educational opportunity more equal high-achieving in overseas. As such globalization news that make it possible for students who have international horizons to free afford tertiary education between countries. To sum up, international news is often done for excellent education systems. However, it is becoming difficult problems for students who have overloaded subjects because class lessons need to be vast range of time. Where possible, new government guidelines on what school curriculum should take attention to include international news that provide the motivation to excel by reducing other main subjects as simple as possible.
Educational institutions offer better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
for talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that would be useful to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
, others believe that this is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
time since they are already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overloaded
with
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
However
, I
utterly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
reform in which afford overseas issue
is done
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational ones and creating opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
publishes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be learned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
since coming as main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in overseas. As an obvious fact, remaining 90% senior high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
in China introduce BBC and CNN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
horizons for reaching the achievement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
recognize qualification.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to compete with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
views of globalization.

Conversely
, unless specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
address concerted efforts whether they are more likely to
A determiner is probably missing here: "suit the best".
suit best
time to learn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overloaded
lessons as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn overtime about 3-to-5 hours per days.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems may
ultimately
be judged
in terms of equality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which is inherent in the system.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
of Ministry in Indonesia perceives huge the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
accounted for over 12 primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are crammed
for it, in long term, have the effect of depressing opportunity for the less focusing on. As consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
push studying without deep understanding.
Alternatively
, in my view I believe that reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
then including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
educational opportunity more equal high-achieving in overseas. As such globalization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
horizons to free afford tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
between countries.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
done for excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems.
However
, it is becoming difficult problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lessons need to be vast range of time. Where possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
guidelines on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
should take attention to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that provide the motivation to excel by reducing other main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as simple as possible.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think children in secondary school should study international news as part of the curriculum. Other think that this would be a waste of time as there are already too many subject for children to concentrate on. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts