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People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v.3

People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 3
Many religions and ideologies have been formed around the idea of the ideal society. They provided a definition for it and in most of them, the ideal society is the one that inhabitants behave as they are ordered. However, none of them when they had political power were able to satisfy their people. Nevertheless, many of them have defined correctly some of the required elements for an ideal society. In this essay, two of the required elements will be mentioned and also the duty of each citizen toward it will be explained. Reaching a perfect society is impossible because humankind is imperfect. However, a simple definition of an ideal society is where people feel glad and appreciate their lives. Two of the most important required elements to gain such a society are justice and embracement of diversity. There is no doubt that a community without an independent and fair justice system is not a sustainable society and falls eventually. There are many examples of countries and societies that do not exist anymore or have changed radically to have better living conditions, for example, ancient Egypt. People who live in a society with such a justice system feel happier and appreciate their society more such as western countries nowadays. Diversity is also a key point because there is no one that can lead the society toward perfectionism alone and the difference in thoughts is needed to eliminate the flaws of the celebrated theories and define new ways of living. In many societies in order to reach a perfect and ideal society, they cracked down every different thought and made a monolithic society which not only did not reach to the ideal goals but also failed. The best example of this is the Soviet Union. Therefore, a society that wants to reach the best should embrace diversity. People have a key role to take their societies toward a better society. They have to educate themselves about democracy and also the value of diversity in a community. They also demand their governing system for an absolute independent judiciary to act fair and square. In this way, they can make sure that their tomorrow is better than today.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
religions and ideologies have
been formed
around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They provided a definition for it and in most of them, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the one that inhabitants behave as they
are ordered
.
However
, none of them when they had political power were able to satisfy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have defined
correctly
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
required elements for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In this essay, two of the required elements will
be mentioned
and
also
the duty of each citizen toward it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

Reaching a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humankind is imperfect.
However
, a simple definition of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel glad and appreciate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Two of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
required elements to gain such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are justice and
Possible spelling mistake found.
embracement
of diversity. There is no doubt that a community without an independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
justice system is not a sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and falls
eventually
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
that do not exist anymore or have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
radically
to have better living conditions,
for example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
ancient Egypt
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with such a justice system feel happier and appreciate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
more such as western countries nowadays.

Diversity is
also
a key point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no one that can lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
toward perfectionism alone and the difference in thoughts
is needed
to eliminate the flaws of the celebrated theories and define new ways of living. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
in order to reach a perfect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they cracked down every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and made a monolithic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did not reach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
failed. The best example of this is the Soviet Union.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that wants to reach the best should embrace diversity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have a key role to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
toward a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate themselves about democracy and
also
the value of diversity in a community. They
also
demand their governing system for an absolute independent judiciary to act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and square. In this way, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their tomorrow is better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay People have historically attempted to achieve a perfect society. However, it is difficult to decide what an ideal society would be like. What would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can normal people do to make society more perfect? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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