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Government should spend more on science and research rather than economic or arts sectors. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Government should spend more on science and research rather than economic or arts sectors. v. 2
I agree that public budgets for arts should be decreased, and more money ought to be spent on education instead. This is true about the money allocated to music, paintings and other forms of art, and governments should invest in the development and improvement of schools, teachers and educational resources. Education normally plays a more important role in the development of a country than the arts. While art has great cultural significance, it seems that learning important sciences and skills effectively contributes more greatly to a nation’s progress. This is because the development of industries, healthcare and defense relies mostly on a country’s progress in different fields of science and technology, which in turn requires skillful teachers, advanced computers and better-equipped laboratories. Art is also already immensely supported by the private sector in most parts of the world. Many art galleries invest in new or professional artists, and a large number of wealthy art lovers tend to spend lavishly to buy different forms of art like paintings and sculptures on a regular basis. Musicians also earn a lot from the sales of their CDs, as well as the online sales of their music and concert tickets. Therefore, most artists are not likely to require government financial support. Some may argue that governments have historically supported artists, and withdrawing this support would put arts at risk of extinction, but I think times have changed as most artists are not that dependent on state aid anymore, and financial support for arts should be curbed in favour of education budgets.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that public budgets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be decreased
, and more money ought to
be spent
on education
instead
. This is true about the money allocated to music, paintings and other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest in the development and improvement of schools, teachers and educational resources.

Education
normally
plays a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of a country than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has great cultural significance, it seems that learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sciences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
effectively
contributes more
greatly
to a nation’s progress. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the development of industries, healthcare and defense relies
mostly
on a country’s progress in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of science and technology, which in turn requires skillful teachers, advanced computers and better-equipped laboratories.

Art is
also
already
immensely
supported by the private sector in most parts of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries invest in new or professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, and
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lovers tend to spend
lavishly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
like paintings and sculptures on a regular basis. Musicians
also
earn a lot from the sales of their CDs,
as well
as the online sales of their music and concert tickets.
Therefore
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not likely to require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
financial support.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have
historically
supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, and withdrawing this support would put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
times have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not that dependent on state aid anymore, and financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be curbed
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of education budgets.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend more on science and research rather than economic or arts sectors. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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