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Some University give financial aid in the form of grants, which don't have to paid back, whereas others provide financial assistance in the form of loan, which must be paid back. Which option do you think is better and why? Support your decision with v.1

Some University give financial aid in the form of grants, which don't have to paid back, whereas others provide financial assistance in the form of loan, which must be paid back. Which option do you think is better and why? Support your decision with v. 1
Online shopping is becoming popular in recent years. Many people buy food items using the internet website, while others still consider the traditional way by visiting supermarkets. However, conventional shopping is ultimately superior to buying products online. Internet shopping is advantageous in many ways as it is more convenient for people who have a busy schedule. The consumer only has to click through websites to buy items which would be delivered to their doorsteps in a short period. However, the quality of a product is compromised and is often impossible to make sure that whether the vegetables or fruits are fresh or not. Another factor is that the consumer has to buy products worth a particular amount to get free delivery.  So, for instance, buying a 10 dollar food product might cost you a 5 extra dollar for the delivery. Owing to this fact, people end up doing impulse shopping. Traditional shopping, on the other hand, is considered more efficient because supermarkets have wider options and mostly provide fresh products that can be compared easily in terms of price and quality. Consumer satisfaction is of extreme importance and frequently offers several promotional deals that are reasonable. Furthermore, most products are obtained under one roof and points are given to regular customers, so later they can deduct an amount on billing based on their points. Some studies claim that 68 per cent of people prefer visiting a supermarket because of the transparency and the sense of satisfaction. In conclusion, even though online shopping has gained popularity in recent decades, the conventional way of shopping will always remain strong.
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is becoming popular in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food items using the internet website, while others
still
consider the traditional way by visiting supermarkets.
However
, conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
ultimately
superior to buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
online.

Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is advantageous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways as it is more convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a busy schedule. The consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
click through websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items which would
be delivered
to their doorsteps in a short period.
However
, the quality of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is compromised
and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that whether the vegetables or fruits are fresh or not. Another factor is that the consumer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
worth a particular amount to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free delivery.  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
for instance
, buying a 10 dollar food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
might cost you a 5 extra dollar for the delivery. Owing to this fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up doing impulse shopping.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
on the other hand
,
is considered
more efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
supermarkets have wider options and
mostly
provide fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that can
be compared
easily
in terms of price and quality. Consumer satisfaction is of extreme importance and
frequently
offers several promotional deals that are reasonable.
Furthermore
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are obtained
under one roof and points are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to regular customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
later they can deduct an amount on billing based on their points.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies claim that 68 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer visiting a supermarket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the transparency and the sense of satisfaction.

In conclusion
,
even though
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has gained popularity in recent decades, the conventional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will always remain strong.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some University give financial aid in the form of grants, which don't have to paid back, whereas others provide financial assistance in the form of loan, which must be paid back. Which option do you think is better and why? Support your decision with v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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