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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9
We are living in a technology driven society now. The pioneer and game-changer technologic development no doubt had been the Internet which came to people’s lives in the 1990’s. After the arrival of Internet or world wide web, the system of every sector has changed and stayed in a position to comply with it. Education is one of the sectors which had been affected from what Internet brought to our lives. As a result, universities started to run online education courses, workshops or even diploma programs which must be considered as a positive development. I strongly believe that online courses carried out by universities provided diversity in the topics of study and convenience irrespective of time and venue. Firstly, I must state that the sea of knowledge could be defined as infinite. As we are living in an era which requires us to gain knowledge and then sell it, we sure must have freedom to choose in a variety of topics in order to gather the information we crave for. Hence, online courses provide such diversity to the students worldwide. For instance, there is an opportunity to study from arts to science and social studies to informatics. Furthermore, there is a wide range of options. Secondly, it provides students much convenience than formal education. Moreover, when we think back to our school years, most of us had problems with catching the class right on time and every so often commuting became a major issue. With the practicality which online studies bring, it has created an environment to study regardless of time and place. After all, it is the student’s decision to make. We realize the benefits of online study especially when one is working. To illustrate, if one has a full-time employment, it would be in his or her disposal to study the interested subject either in the coziness of the home or even out in a park. In a nutshell, as we are living in a progressive world in terms of technology, it is better to use its advantages for our favour. Online courses managed by universities all around world provide each one us a diverse range of interesting subjects and make it easier for us to reach the information we need. Nevertheless, this happens to be one of the positive sides of Internet which must be used wisely.
We are living in a technology driven society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The pioneer and game-changer
Possible spelling mistake found.
technologic
development no doubt had been the Internet which came to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990’s
. After the arrival of Internet or
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
, the system of every sector has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and stayed in a position to comply with it. Education is one of the sectors which had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from what Internet brought to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to run
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, workshops or even diploma programs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
carried out by universities provided diversity in the topics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and convenience irrespective of time and venue.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
state that the sea of knowledge could
be defined
as infinite. As we are living in an era which requires us to gain knowledge and then sell it, we sure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have freedom to choose in a variety of topics in order to gather the information we crave for.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide such diversity to the students worldwide.
For instance
, there is an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from arts to science and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to informatics.
Furthermore
, there is a wide range of options.

Secondly
, it provides students much convenience than formal education.
Moreover
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
back to our school years, most of us had problems with catching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
right on time and every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commuting became a major issue. With the practicality which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
bring, it has created an environment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
regardless of time and place.
After all
, it is the student’s decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. We realize the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
especially
when one is working. To illustrate, if one has a full-time employment, it would be in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
disposal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the interested subject either in the coziness of the home or even out in a park.

In a nutshell, as we are living in a progressive world in terms of technology, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
its advantages for our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
managed by universities all around world provide each one us a diverse range of interesting subjects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for us to reach the information we need.
Nevertheless
, this happens to be one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of Internet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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