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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 3
Healthy mind and healthy body is the need of this hour. While, some people contend that it's an individual accountability to look after their own fitness and intake of healthy food. Others, however, argue that the legislation should intervene to ascertain that their nationals follow a nutritious diet. I firmly opine, that an amalgamation of these two thoughts can lead to a healthier civilization all together. This essay will examine both views and will try to draw an inference. On the one hand, it is a sole responsibility of a person to take care of his own health because, If an individual is not able to follow a healthy regime and a healthy diet, that will have a direct impact on his well being. For instance, people who follow sedentary lifestyle and diet, are more prone to get heath issues such as obesity, diabetes, high/low blood pressure and so on. In such a case, a person can not contribute positively to his nation both personally and professionally. On the flip side, in this fast paced world, with busy routine and more disposable income, people still inevitably follow a sluggish lifestyle just for their convenience, which in turn is having a detrimental effect on our association. However, if law body can mediate to spread awareness among its nationals that can boost the sentiments of its people to follow a vigorous mode of life. To illustrate, US ministry runs several camps to sensitize its people to go to regular walk, climb stairs instead of taking lifts and elevators, which in turn has made people follow what their law making body says. To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that state interference can definitely make people follow a healthy routine. Although, it cannot force its' people for anything, hence, it remains the person's own responsibility to take care of his own health. I also feel that in order to have a sound society, individuals should take care of their own fitness, and if, the union can spread some awareness, that will definitely have a more pronounced effect on its people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body is the need of this hour. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that it's an individual accountability to look after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fitness and intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food. Others,
however
, argue that the legislation should intervene to ascertain that their nationals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a nutritious diet. I
firmly
opine, that an amalgamation of these two thoughts can lead to a healthier civilization all together. This essay will examine both views and will try to draw an inference.

On the one hand, it is a sole responsibility of a person to take care of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, If an individual is not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
regime and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, that will have a direct impact on his
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
sedentary lifestyle and diet, are more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
heath issues such as obesity, diabetes, high/low blood pressure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In such a case, a person can not contribute
positively
to his nation both
personally
and
professionally
.

On the flip side, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, with busy routine and more disposable income,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a sluggish lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for their convenience, which in turn is having a detrimental effect on our association.
However
, if law body can mediate to spread awareness among its nationals that can boost the sentiments of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a vigorous mode of life. To illustrate, US ministry runs several camps to sensitize its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to regular walk, climb stairs
instead
of taking lifts and elevators, which in turn has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
what their law making body says.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that state interference can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
routine. Although, it cannot force
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for anything,
hence
, it remains the person's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility to take care of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health. I
also
feel that in order to have a sound society, individuals should take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fitness, and if, the union can spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness, that will definitely have a more pronounced effect on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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