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GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE? v.1

GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. v. 1
Government money can be invested in many spheres of society. While some people are convinced that finances must be spent on public services, it is also agreed that the sphere of art requires funds to increase the level of cultural education in the public and make a good progress in economy. Nowadays, it is difficult to imagine our modern world without the arts, and there are some reasons why. Firstly, it doubles the number of educated people in society. For instance, people who go to the theatre get acquainted with classical or modern performances. This might encourage them to visit such places more frequently and involve new visitors. Secondly, the arts help us to find our place in the world. Individuals who are passionate about music, painting or acting, have a chance to start their career and create interesting projects for the ones with similar interests. Therefore, it is clear that the money invested in this sector motivates the audience to be interested in learning something new and bringing more art enthusiasts. Thirdly, finical support of art affects the economy. Thousands spent on music concerts or films will bring millions to the country. Modern people are ready to spend money for listening to music, watching new films or TV shows since it has become a new form of entertainment and emotional discharge. Consequently, it is profitable for the authorities who get resources, and for the citizens who satisfy the need for amusement. To sum up, the government should devote resources to arts since the benefit and importance of it has grown not only for people but also for other social areas.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
money can
be invested
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
spheres of society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that finances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
on public services, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the sphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
requires funds to increase the level of cultural education in the public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
progress in economy.

Nowadays, it is difficult to imagine our modern world without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why.
Firstly
, it doubles the number of educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with classical or modern performances. This might encourage them to visit such places more
frequently
and involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
visitors.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help us find"?
help us to find
our place in the world. Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are passionate about music, painting or acting, have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career and create interesting projects for the ones with similar interests.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the money invested in this sector motivates the audience to
be interested
in learning something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and bringing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
enthusiasts.

Thirdly
, finical support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
affects the economy. Thousands spent on music concerts or films will bring millions to the

country. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to spend money for listening to music, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
films or TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
since it has become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
form of entertainment and emotional discharge.
Consequently
, it is profitable for the authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
resources, and for the citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
satisfy the need for amusement.

To sum up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should devote resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
since the benefit and importance of it has grown not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for other social areas.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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