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As well as making money, business should also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

As well as making money, business should also have social responsibilities. v. 1
In the competitive business world, corporations face a barrage of problems that are waiting to be solved. Some of them are finance related and others are related to business operations that involve social issues. I hold the view that a company should not only have the ability to make a profit but also champion social responsibilities. Corporations that place an emphasis on corporate social responsibility typically have an easier experience when dealing with government regulators. On the contrary, businesses that demonstrate a reckless disregard in social responsibility often find themselves staving off various investigations and probes, usually viewed as socially irresponsible along with senior management. The more positive the public perception is that a corporation takes social responsibility seriously, the less likely it is that activist groups will stage a spate of protests to demand government inquiries against it. This is the sound reason that companies should take social responsibility into account. Having been recognized by customers that the company is part of the socially responsible strategy, the company’s revenue will be boosted. Some customers are willing to pay more for a product if they know a portion of the profit is going to worthy causes. What is more, if a company is active in local community such as providing lending services at low interest rate to low-income families, the company will be viewed positively by the community and potentially increase the company’s profit. To conclude, the benefit for a financially sound company with a sense of social responsibility can be far and wide, including a positive image, and improved sales.
In the competitive business world, corporations face a barrage of problems that are waiting to
be solved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are finance related
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are related
to business operations that involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues. I hold the view that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
champion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities.

Corporations that place an emphasis on corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
typically
have an easier experience when dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
regulators.
On the contrary
, businesses that demonstrate a reckless disregard in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find themselves staving off various investigations and probes,
usually
viewed as
socially
irresponsible along with senior management. The more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
the public perception is that a corporation takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
seriously
, the less likely it is that activist groups will stage a spate of protests to demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
inquiries against it. This is the sound reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
into account.

Having
been recognized
by customers that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is part of the
socially
responsible strategy, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
revenue will
be boosted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
customers are willing to pay more for a product if they know a portion of the profit is going to worthy causes.
What is more
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is active in local community such as providing lending services at low interest rate to low-income families, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will
be viewed
positively
by the community and
potentially
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
profit.

To conclude
, the benefit for a
financially
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
can be far and wide, including a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
sales.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay As well as making money, business should also have social responsibilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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