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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v.7

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 7
These days, many universities have started to provide study programs through the internet. While this tendency has changed the way people can study, I believe this an overall positive development considering the benefits to students as well as to the course provider. To begin with, the most prominent benefit of online study portals to students is that it saves a lot of time and effort by not attending classes in person. This is because such courses enable you to connect with your mentor while sitting at home. Take webinars as an example, in which thousands of students linked with their teacher through the web and get online classes according to their desirable schedule. By taking such classes there is no need to take physical classes, which saves a considerable amount of time. With regards to the course organizer, a vital benefit of such programs is that it could reduce the overall cost, and hence increase their profits. When they deliver e-learning courses, there is no need to maintain university premises and could lead to saving a significant amount of funds. For instance, recent research has proven that virtual universities have earned lucrative profits without compromise the quality of teaching. However, if they conducted all these classes at their premises, they will have invested an enormous amount of money on building and hiring maintenance staff, which could reduce their incomes. In conclusion, although the virtual education system has changed the way people learned, in my opinion, the positive sides of this development to both, educationalists and students are great in numbers.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to provide study programs through the internet. While this tendency has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can study, I believe this an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development considering the benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
as to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
provider.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most prominent benefit of online study portals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is that it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and effort by not attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in person. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
enable you to connect with your mentor while sitting at home. Take webinars as an example, in which thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
linked with their teacher through the web and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
according to their desirable schedule. By taking such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
there is no need to take physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, which saves a considerable amount of time.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
organizer, a vital benefit of such programs is that it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
overall
cost, and
hence
increase their profits. When they deliver e-learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, there is no need to maintain university premises and could lead to saving a significant amount of funds.
For instance
, recent research has proven that virtual universities have earned lucrative profits without compromise the quality of teaching.
However
, if they conducted all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at their premises, they will have invested an enormous amount of money on building and hiring maintenance staff, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their incomes.

In conclusion
, although the virtual education system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learned, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of this development to both, educationalists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are great in numbers.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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