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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

With the developemet of technology, the dream of living in Africa but studying in other of the world without leaving your family can now be true. And depsite any negative connatation that this development may hold, I strongly see this as step that will improve education all over the world. This would save alot of time, effort and suffering for both educators and students, espeacially for international students. For example, a student or professor won't have to leave their hometown leaving their friend and family behind, going to a place they know no one in just to recieve a proper education or job offer. Moreover they would save a long list of expensives that they would have to pay to start a complety new life on the other side the world. They would have to pay for expensives like the housing, water and electricity payment along with the food fees, especially if they don't or can't cook in their univerity's dorm. In addition it will also save alot of time that is spent through travelling form one country to another and save the expenses for that too. Furthermore, online studying won't only benefit the international students who want to study abaord but also will benefit those who want to study in their own country. Beside that they won't have to use trasnportations everyday which would save them alot, this would decrease the amount of air pollution which would save the world too. Although many may think that a negative side of online schools and univerities is that they limit the social life, this in fact maybe considered as advantage: where no time is wasted roaming and chit-chatting around. Moreoever they can also allow students to multitask where they would more productive. To conclude, online univerities is a milestone that the world were able to reach. It won't only allow students all over the world to recieve a prestigious education, it would also decrease both global warming by decreasing air pollution, make humans more productive and save a lot of money.
With the
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developemet
of technology, the dream of living in Africa
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
studying in other of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
without leaving your family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be true. And
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depsite
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
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connatation
that this development may hold, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as step that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education all over the world.

This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of time, effort and suffering for both educators and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
espeacially
for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
or professor won't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown leaving their friend and family behind, going to a place they know no one in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieve
a proper education or job offer.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a long list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
expensives
that they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
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complety
new life on the other side the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. They would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for
Possible spelling mistake found.
expensives
like the housing, water and electricity payment along with the food fees,
especially
if they don't or can't cook in their
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univerity
's dorm. In
The comma is probably missing here: “addition, it”.
addition it
will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of time that
is spent
through travelling form one country to another and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the expenses for that too.

Furthermore
, online studying won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to study
Possible spelling mistake found.
abaord
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will benefit those who want to study in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
Did you mean “besides” (= apart from that) which is commonly used to start a sentence?
Beside
that they won't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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trasnportations
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them
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alot
, this would decrease the amount of air pollution which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
too.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of online schools and
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univerities
is that they limit the social life, this in fact maybe considered as advantage: where no time
is wasted
roaming and chit-chatting around.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreoever
they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to multitask where they would more productive.

To conclude
, online
Possible spelling mistake found.
univerities
is a milestone that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
were able to reach. It won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieve
a prestigious education, it would
also
decrease both global warming by decreasing air pollution,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
humans more productive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
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Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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