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S. In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of ths outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

S. In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of ths outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In some nations, the demand for vegetarian food is rising up. Although, vegetarian food lacks certain nutrients, but men and women who prefer to have non-vegetarian food are more prone to heart ailments than vegetarians. Thus, advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. One of the major drawbacks of eating plant food is that, it lacks certain amount of nutrients that are important for the growth and development of the human body. In order to fulfill this requirement, vegetarians have to depend on various kinds of supplements. For example, Vitamin B12 is known to be one of the most important vitamin which is not found in plants, but essentially present in dairy and meat products. However, I believe that, meaty diet is the number one cause of heart problems in people. The main benefit of vegetarian food is that it is a healthier diet than non-vegetarian. It is because, non- vegetarian diet mainly comprises of fatty food, thus directly linked to increase in blood pressure and various heart related ailments. For instance, in a research conducted in Brazil, it was found that people who consumed meat diet had more cardiovascular disorders than those who preferred vegetarian diet. I believe that, plant food has more benefits despite of being devoid of certain nutrients. To conclude, on the downside, plant food does not have various nutrients that are essential for the human body, but benefits of a vegetarian meal far outweigh the drawbacks, as the non-vegetarians are more likely to suffer from coronary heart diseases.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the demand for vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is rising up. Although, vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
lacks certain nutrients,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who prefer to have non-vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are more prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
ailments than vegetarians.
Thus
, advantages do outweigh the disadvantages.

One of the major drawbacks of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that, it lacks certain amount of nutrients that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the growth and development of the human body. In order to fulfill this requirement, vegetarians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on various kinds of supplements.
For example
, Vitamin B12
is known
to be one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
vitamin which is not found in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
essentially
present in dairy and meat products.
However
, I believe that, meaty diet is the number one cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
problems in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The main benefit of vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that it is a healthier diet than non-vegetarian. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, non- vegetarian diet
mainly
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
thus
directly
linked to increase in blood pressure and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
related ailments.
For instance
, in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in Brazil, it
was found
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consumed meat diet had more cardiovascular disorders than those who preferred vegetarian diet. I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has more benefits
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
being devoid of certain nutrients.

To conclude
, on the downside,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not have various nutrients that are essential for the human body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
benefits of a vegetarian meal far outweigh the drawbacks, as the non-vegetarians are more likely to suffer from coronary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
diseases.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay S. In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of ths outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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