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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v.10

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 10
These days, online education gradually becomes a common feature, and many tertiary institutes have already embraced this method to offer their courses. Although this trend possessed some demerits, I would argue that there are far more benefits that cannot be ignored. There are indeed several disadvantages to Internet-based learning. The first and the key drawback of studying online courses is that there is the less direct interaction between students and teachers. Whereas students can take advantages of being engaged in face-to-face conversations, seminars and group projects in traditional classrooms, those studying online courses are restricted to chatting via online platforms, hence resulting in the lack of proper supervision from teachers and peer support, also the shortage of motivation and vital skills like teamwork and communication skills for their future career. Besides, learners who take online courses might easily lose attention that leads to their procrastination because of such distracted factors as chatting online with friends via social network and manifold types of relaxation. Nevertheless, the positive effects of studying online are bound to outshine the foregoing demerits. Firstly, with the help of the advancement of technology, universities who open online classes can present their ability to catch up with the latest trend and manage proper curriculums. Secondly, the widespread use of the Internet makes it possible for learners to enrol in a course without considering about time and distance so that they are not only given the flexibility to arrange their study progress but also can revise lessons whenever they want. Most importantly, the fact that educational institutions offer Internet-based courses would provide more educational opportunities for anybody willing to study regardless of gender, age, location, ability and background. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that online courses still exist some negative impacts, but the advantages comparatively outweigh their shortcomings.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education
gradually
becomes a common feature, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tertiary institutes have already embraced this method to offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Although this trend possessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, I would argue that there are far more benefits that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

There are
indeed
several disadvantages to Internet-based learning. The
first
and the key drawback of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is that there is the less direct interaction between students and teachers. Whereas students can take advantages of
being engaged
in face-to-face conversations, seminars and group projects in traditional classrooms, those studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are restricted
to chatting via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms,
hence
resulting in the lack of proper supervision from teachers and peer support,
also
the shortage of motivation and vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future career.
Besides
, learners who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
might
easily
lose attention that leads to their procrastination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such distracted factors as chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with friends via social network and manifold types of relaxation.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are bound
to outshine the foregoing demerits.
Firstly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the advancement of technology, universities who open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes can present their ability to catch up with the latest trend and manage proper curriculums.
Secondly
, the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for learners to enrol in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
without
Did you mean simply "considering time"? You do not need the word "about" here.
considering about time
and distance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the flexibility to arrange their study progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can revise lessons whenever they want. Most
importantly
, the fact that educational institutions offer Internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
would provide more educational opportunities for anybody willing to study regardless of gender, age, location, ability and background.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
still
exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages
comparatively
outweigh their shortcomings.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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