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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. v. 1
Some people argue that traditional literature has greater influences on children’ development than foreign literature. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this point of view. On the one hand, there is little doubt that locally written works have various benefits for pupils. Through learning literature of their mother tongue, students have chances to enrich skills of using their own language, such as the flexibility of the vocabulary used or the different ways to convey ideas. As a result, this would be advantageous for children not only in their study but also in social communication in their future. In addition, traditional literature can help students gain deeper insights into their own cultures. This reason is that some works of arts, namely fairy tales or legends could familiarize them with the national traditions and values. This, consequently, will develop a sense of identity and patriotism for children. On the other hand, I suppose that learning foreign literature is also beneficial for young people in several ways. Firstly, pupils will have opportunities to broaden their horizons by showing them a bigger picture of the world. It is undeniable that having access to foreign historical events and cultures would foster children’s awareness of the world’s diversity. Secondly, youngsters could be more prepared for the globalized world since they have acquired a wide range of knowledge about how to adapt themselves in terms of manners, customs and behaviors when they live in a foreign environment or deal with foreigners. In conclusion, although I agree that traditional literature plays a vital role in the development of children, I would believe that the contribution of other countries’ literature is equally important and should not be overlooked.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
has greater influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
development than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this point of view.

On the one hand, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that
locally
written works have various benefits for pupils. Through learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of their mother tongue, students have chances to enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language, such as the flexibility of the vocabulary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
or the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to convey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
As a result
, this would be advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in social communication in their future.
In addition
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students gain deeper insights into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultures. This reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works of arts,
namely
fairy tales or legends could familiarize them with the national traditions and values. This,
consequently
, will develop a sense of identity and patriotism for children.

On the other hand
, I suppose that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is
also
beneficial for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in several ways.
Firstly
, pupils will have opportunities to broaden their horizons by showing them a bigger picture of the world. It is undeniable that having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultures would foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness of the world’s diversity.
Secondly
, youngsters could be more prepared for the globalized world since they have acquired a wide range of knowledge about how to adapt themselves in terms of manners, customs and behaviors when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
environment or deal with foreigners.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
plays a vital role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would believe that the contribution of other countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should not
be overlooked
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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