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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v.5

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 5
The process of acquiring knowledge over the internet is known as online study. The online study not only provides education but also saves much time. Therefore, I strongly agree that the benefits of online study are more significant than its drawbacks. (42) We had seen in the past that people always moved to big cities for getting higher education. In many parts of the world, people even had to travel long distances in order to enroll themselves in desired courses. (38) Presently, almost all the universities are offering online courses. The online study is providing a number of benefits to students. For example, it allows students to enrol themselves in short courses and get certifications. It also offers flexibility in the study. The learners of online courses are free to do their work whenever and wherever they want. In addition, online learning also offers open access to anybody who is willing to study, regardless of age, location, ability and background. Moreover, getting education on the Internet helps people in saving their valuable time. Thus, online study is a wise choice for those who are much busy in their daily work as it doesn't require them to go any institution. (117) The recent development in Information Technology has now enabled the students to study many courses online just by enrolling themselves free of cost. Thus, if the universities keep on offering online courses then this will surely become the most economic and the easiest way of getting an education in the near future. (52) Thus, I strongly believed that online study is one of the great innovations of acquiring education as it reduces time and provides more options. (24)
The process of acquiring knowledge over the internet
is known
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves much time.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
are more significant than its drawbacks. (42)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities for getting higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even had to travel long distances in order to enroll themselves in desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. (38)

Presently
, almost all the universities are offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is providing a number of benefits to students.
For example
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to enrol themselves in short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
certifications. It
also
offers flexibility in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The learners of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are free to do their work whenever and wherever they want.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning
also
offers open access to anybody who is willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, regardless of age, location, ability and background.
Moreover
, getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in saving their valuable time.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is a wise choice for those who are much busy in their daily work as it doesn't require them to go any institution. (117)

The recent development in Information Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
enabled the students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by enrolling themselves free of cost.
Thus
, if the universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
then this will
surely
become the most economic and the easiest way of getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the near future. (52)

Thus
, I
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is one of the great innovations of acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
time and provides more options. (24)
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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