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In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v.1

In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 1
In the modern world, although the scientific and technological advances become dominant, we still pay attention to people who work in the arts field such as musicians or writers. The reason is that arts can teach us various things than we cannot learn from science and technology. First of all, it is undeniable that arts allow us to see things from different perspectives. This is because in the arts world, we have opportunities to use our creativity and imagination to see and interpret things in the way we want. For instance, in the researcher’s eyes, cat is merely an animal with fur and four legs, while from the writer’s perspective, cat can be a close friend or even a hero. This, as a result, would help us nurture our creativity and gain deeper insights into the world that we live in. Additionally, we can also be able to think from different perspectives when encountering problems. Furthermore, while advanced science and technology bring a wide range of benefits to our physical lives, arts instill spiritual values into each individual. For example, when people feel upset or depressed, they tend to listen to songs or read books whose lyrics or contents contain the encouraging and inspiring words and sentences. This, consequently, might help them to refresh their minds and be more optimistic about the problems that they have to face up with. In conclusion, for all reasons mentioned above, it is true that arts can tell us a variety of meaningful things that are absent in the science and technology world.
In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, although the scientific and technological advances become dominant, we
still
pay attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
field such as musicians or writers. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can teach us various things than we cannot learn from science and technology.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, we have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our creativity and imagination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and interpret things in the way we want.
For instance
, in the researcher’s eyes, cat is
merely
an animal with fur and four legs, while from the writer’s perspective, cat can be a close friend or even a hero. This,
as a result
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us nurture our creativity and gain deeper insights into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
Additionally
, we can
also
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives when encountering problems.

Furthermore
, while advanced science and technology bring a wide range of benefits to our physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
instill spiritual values into each individual.
For example
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel upset or depressed, they tend to listen to songs or read books whose lyrics or contents contain the encouraging and inspiring words and sentences. This,
consequently
, might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to refresh their minds and be more optimistic about the problems that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face up with.

In conclusion
, for all reasons mentioned above, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us a variety of meaningful things that are absent in the science and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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