Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.1

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1
There is little doubt that in many countries, the number of senior people is growing steadily, and this is predicted to continue in the future. While I agree that this trend can bring several benefits to the society, I would argue that it has more disadvantages for many reasons. On the one hand, it is undeniable that aged citizens are more experienced and can contribute significantly to counselling young people. The reason is that they are able to give a variety of useful advice and instructions for younger generations thanks to their extensive experience. In addition, these days, parents usually have such a hectic schedule that they cannot spend much time with their children. As a result, grandparents could help take care of and raise their grandchildren in a family environment. This, consequently, would definitely make a great contribution in enhancing the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. On the other hand, I suppose that this trend causes more drawbacks for both government and individuals. Firstly, the higher proportion of aged people might be a strain on the national budget, as government needs to allocate resources to medical care and retirement fund. Secondly, the labor force also suffers from the growing number of older citizens due to the shortage of productive workers. As a consequence, the economic progress might be affected negatively. Last but not least, the aging population could pose a burden on families since parents need to take care of older family members. In conclusion, although the remarkable increase in life expectancy has some positive impacts to the society, I would believe that its drawbacks are much greater.
There is
little
doubt that in
many
countries, the number of senior
people
is growing
steadily
, and this
is predicted
to continue in the future. While I
agree
that this trend can bring several benefits to the society, I would argue that it has more disadvantages for
many
reasons.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that aged citizens are more experienced and can contribute
significantly
to counselling young
people
. The reason is that they are able to give a variety of useful advice and instructions for younger generations thanks to their extensive experience.
In addition
, these days, parents
usually
have such a hectic schedule that they cannot spend much time with their children.
As a result
, grandparents could
help
take care of and raise their grandchildren in a family environment. This,
consequently
, would definitely
make
a great contribution in enhancing the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

On the other hand
, I suppose that this trend causes more drawbacks for both
government
and individuals.
Firstly
, the higher proportion of aged
people
might be a strain on the national budget, as
government
needs to allocate resources to medical care and retirement fund.
Secondly
, the labor force
also
suffers from the growing number of older citizens due to the shortage of productive workers. As a consequence, the economic progress might be
affected
negatively
. Last
but
not least, the aging population could pose a burden on families since parents need to take care of older family members.

In conclusion
, although the remarkable increase in life expectancy has
some
positive
impacts to the society, I would believe that its drawbacks are much greater.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts