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Some universities have large, lecture-based classes, whereas others havesmaller, discussion-based classes. Which do you think is better and why? Includedetails and examples to support your explanation. v.1

Some universities have large, lecture-based classes, whereas others havesmaller, discussion-based classes. Which do you think is better and why? Includedetails and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
According to certain individuals, museums and art studios should focus on native works instead of showcasing the foreign arts and cultures. I strongly disagree with the notion because besides being a vital source of income for these institutions the display of multinational arts and cultures helps enhance the vision of art lovers as well. On one hand, if museums and art studios depict the cultural heritage of various countries, it becomes full of attraction for the tourist of multiple backgrounds. They get awareness about different unseen places and ancient civilizations. Hence the blend of art and culture attracts the people of all ages and fascinates them more than viewing the regional arts only. For instance, the Lahore Museum has been the centre of attraction for visitors over the decades because it exhibits the amalgam of the arts and cultures of several civilizations. On the other hand, when a large number of art institutions visit a particular facility, it brings significant revenues for that venue which can be deployed for the promotion of both art and the artists. People from different countries desire to purchase paintings and souvenirs as gifts for their loved ones, therefore a variety of cultural mix is required to fulfil their demands. Hence it can bring a great fortune for the government and organizers. To sum up, I strongly believe that exhibiting a mixture of artefacts derived from different countries attracts art lovers, promotes tourism, and gives economic benefits for the country rather than limiting the museums to display the regional artworks.
According to certain individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studios should focus on native works
instead
of showcasing the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. I
strongly
disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
besides
being a vital source of income for these institutions the display of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
enhance the vision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lovers
as well
.

On one hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studios depict the cultural heritage of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it becomes full of attraction for the tourist of multiple backgrounds. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
awareness about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
unseen places and ancient civilizations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the blend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
attracts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages and fascinates them more than viewing the regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For instance
, the Lahore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
has been the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of attraction for visitors over the decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it exhibits the amalgam of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of several civilizations.

On the other hand
, when
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
institutions visit a particular facility, it brings significant revenues for that venue which can
be deployed
for the promotion of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and the artists.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
paintings and souvenirs as gifts for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
therefore
a variety of cultural mix
is required
to fulfil their demands.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it can bring a great fortune for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and organizers.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that exhibiting a mixture of
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
derived from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lovers, promotes tourism, and gives economic benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rather
than limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to display the regional artworks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities have large, lecture-based classes, whereas others havesmaller, discussion-based classes. Which do you think is better and why? Includedetails and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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