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Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. v. 1
In these days, technology growing very fast and provided everything to people at home through an internet even it is education. Because of, amelioration in technology some people think that an organisation which are education provider are not necessarily children could get all information from online resources while sitting at home. Indeed, in my mind, there is now convincing evidence that school is still very important for an individual developer. In this essay, I shall described the importance of school. To begin with, schools are the main place to learn an adequate, as everyone knows that addicts are as compulsory as education for the child, to be a better person in their life. Children learn how to manage their time by submitting an assignment on the deadline and attending their classes. They also learn to obey their teachers and parents, which is an another valuable lesson through the schools. Secondly, when they are going to the school they make friends and learn how to be social and also develop the feeling of sharing and caring, for example, submitting a presentation on time time before the end date, caring if someone sick or helpless is the main adequate, which I learned from my school. Furthermore, school plays crucial role in a child's physical growth. Many class activities which are designed to teach them study lessons involved physical exercises also put superb impact on their health. Activities such as, running and game competitions enable individuals to obtain certain types of physical goals. On the other side, learning on the internet can put a much more burden on their minds and could make them clumsy. By involving the physical exercises in learning could improve their capacity of study because children will not be bored, for instance, in first term, singing and dancing on the poem is one the best example of this notion. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the notion that, schools are not necessary. School is very important from the past and these places will be important in the future too. Learning on the internet will not enable to children proper educated and physically strong.
In these days, technology growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and provided everything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home through an internet even it is education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of, amelioration in technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
which are education provider are not
necessarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all information from online resources while sitting at home.
Indeed
, in my mind, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convincing evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for an individual developer. In this essay, I shall
The verb 'shall' requires the base form of the verb: "describe"
described
the importance of school.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the main place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
an adequate, as everyone knows that addicts are as compulsory as education for the child, to be a better person in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to manage their time by submitting an assignment on the deadline and attending their classes. They
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to obey their teachers and parents, which is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a valuable" or "another valuable".
an another valuable
lesson through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Secondly
, when they are going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be social and
also
develop the feeling of sharing and caring,
for example
, submitting a presentation on
Possible typo: you repeated a word
time time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
date, caring if someone sick or helpless is the main adequate, which I learned from my school.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays crucial role in a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
activities which
are designed
to teach them study lessons involved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises
also
put superb impact on their health. Activities such as, running and game competitions enable individuals to obtain certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
goals. On the other side, learning on the internet can put a much more burden on their minds and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them clumsy. By involving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises in learning could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their capacity of study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
be bored
,
for instance
, in
first
term, singing and dancing on the poem is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the best example of this notion.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree with the notion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not necessary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
from the past and these places will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the future too. Learning on the internet will not enable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
proper educated and
physically
strong.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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