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some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need from internet. they can learn and be educated at home. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need from internet. they can learn and be educated at home. v. 2
Obtaining a formal education is quite significant for the future of educates and it is sometimes argued that children do not require schools to provide education, since they can learn everything from internet by staying in their houses. However, I totally disagree with this notion because of the shortcomings of study via the internet. Study from home leads to inconsistency and confusion in learning due to informal environment. The flow of learning cannot be achieved at home owing to the fact that the surroundings are usually distracting for a child and he finds it hard to concentrate on study when he has his family members around him all the time. Besides, getting information from the internet sometimes leads to confusion and vagueness which can only be avoided by attending actual classroom lectures. For example, teachers can change the way and methods to teach the student according to his learning ability and this perhaps is not possible when someone is studying online. Furthermore, boredom and lack of competition make learning from home through the world wide web unsuitable. Firstly, at home, without any serious participation among group or class, children would feel bored and less enthusiastic. They won't be able to study with zeals in isolation without having any general class discussions which actually make learning interesting. Secondly, without any practical competition children hardly take interest in learning. Sense of becoming superior than others constantly motivates a person to do better. Thus, class learning offer them the state which is required to stay focused and motivated throughout the session in schools. In conclusion, I disagree that that the place of school can ever be taken from the internet and home completely because the school and home are two different parts of life which should not be combined.
Obtaining a formal education is quite significant for the future of educates and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that children do not require schools to provide education, since they can learn everything from internet by staying in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
However
, I
totally
disagree with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortcomings of study via the internet.

Study from home leads to inconsistency and confusion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
due to informal environment. The flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
cannot
be achieved
at home owing to the fact that the surroundings are
usually
distracting for a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
he finds it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate on study when he has his family members around him all the time.
Besides
, getting information from the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to confusion and vagueness which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be avoided
by attending actual classroom lectures.
For example
, teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way and methods to teach the student according to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
ability and this perhaps is not possible when someone is studying online.

Furthermore
, boredom and lack of competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from home through the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
unsuitable.
Firstly
, at home, without any serious participation among group or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, children would feel bored and less enthusiastic. They won't be able to study with
Possible spelling mistake found.
zeals
in isolation without having any general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
discussions which actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
interesting.
Secondly
, without any practical competition children hardly take interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. Sense of becoming
Some adjectives derived from Latin act as both adjective and comparative. In these cases use the collocation 'to'
superior than
others
constantly
motivates a person to do better.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
offer them the state which
is required
to stay focused and motivated throughout the session in schools.

In conclusion
, I disagree
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
the place of school can ever
be taken
from the internet and home completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the school and home are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of life which should not
be combined
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need from internet. they can learn and be educated at home. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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