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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 9
Many people would accept that one of the highest priorities in today's world is an effective way of learning for children. While many people have suggested that reading books brings more beneficial than watching TV shows and video games and my belief is that the side of the former is better. On the one hand, those who argued that broadcastings and e-games are considered as important activity base their arguments on its advantages. The first of these is that playing cyber-games can help children to ease the stress after studying hard. Indeed, children, nowadays, can get under pressure from exercise in their school or extra-classes, so, they can use video games as a type of entertainment thanks to the stunning images and lively music of these games. Another significant reason is that the role of TV in developing language ability is also crucial. In other words, English programs allow children not only to learn by heart vocabulary quickly by showing vivid images on the screen, but also to improve listening skills from watching cartoons or films in English. However, I equally believe that books are a tool that helps to cultivate knowledge and imagination in children. The primary reason is that books enhance thinking skills early because kids can understand the consequences of action as well as learn to exercise logic through reading books. To illustrate, when a kid reads a fairy tale story, they will have to think and use their creativity to realize the cause and effect of each character in this book and then, children can comprehend the basics of what is right and wrong. Additionally, the other point is that the stories in the book allow children to open their minds and gain intelligence. In fact, books can arouse curiosity in children because, in children's books, it's decorated with colourful pictures and fascinating content which makes children discover an expanding chain of knowledge in a particular topic. In conclusion, while the benefits of watching TV and using cyber-games are undeniable, they cannot outweigh the role of reading books in enhancing children’s thinking and understanding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would accept that one of the highest priorities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is an effective way of learning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have suggested that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
brings more beneficial than watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and video games and my belief is that the side of the former is better.

On the one hand, those who argued that
Possible spelling mistake found.
broadcastings
and e-games
are considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
activity base their arguments on its advantages. The
first
of these is that playing cyber-games can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, nowadays, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
under pressure from exercise in their school or extra-classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
video games as a type of entertainment thanks to the stunning images and lively music of these games. Another significant reason is that the role of TV in developing language ability is
also
crucial.
In other words
, English programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to learn by heart vocabulary
quickly
by showing vivid images on the screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from watching cartoons or films in English.

However
, I
equally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are a tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to cultivate knowledge and imagination in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The primary reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
enhance thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids can understand the consequences of action
as well
as learn to exercise logic through reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. To illustrate, when a kid reads a fairy tale story, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their creativity to realize the cause and effect of each character in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
and then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can comprehend the basics of what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Additionally
, the other point is that the stories in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to open their minds and gain intelligence. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can arouse curiosity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, it's decorated with
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
pictures and fascinating content which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
discover an expanding chain of knowledge in a particular topic.

In conclusion
, while the benefits of watching TV and using cyber-games are undeniable, they cannot outweigh the role of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
thinking and understanding.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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