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Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. v. 2
Nowadays, health related diseases are increasing rapidly due to excessive consumption of unhealthy junk food. Some people believe that the government authorities should impose a higher taxable amount of the junk food, so that people can minimise its consumption. In my opinion, it will only affect the middle-class people. To begin with, increasing taxes on the unhealthy food products will restrict the lower income people from eating the junk food. The reason being poor people, who already have difficulties in supporting their basic needs such as food, shelter and clothing knows the actual value of money. Thus, such people would prefer eating home made, freshly cooked food, instead of buying expensive unhealthy food from the outside. However, this development will have no effect on the high-class people because the little bit increase in the tax is, almost nothing in front of their cravings towards the junk food. Creating awareness among the people about the consequences of eating unhealthily is also not the optimal solution. This is because, a majority of people who eat the fast foods are already well educated and aware. For instance, according to the World Health Organisation, most of the employees working in the IT firms are eating the fast food, not that because they are unaware of its disadvantages, but because they lack the time to prepare it. Hence, such people go with the unhealthy food choice, despite knowing its impact. Therefore, The Government should focus on creating healthy alternatives of food, which are easily accessible and affordable so that, everyone can enjoy it. To conclude, imposing taxes on the fast food items will reduce its consumption among the lower income people. However, the government authorities should create easily accessible and affordable alternatives of healthy food so that people can stay fit and healthy.
Nowadays, health related diseases are increasing
rapidly
due to excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should impose a higher taxable amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
its consumption. In my opinion, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, increasing taxes on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products will restrict the lower income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The reason being poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who already have difficulties in supporting their basic needs such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, shelter and clothing knows the actual value of money.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
home made,
freshly
cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
instead
of buying expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the outside.
However
, this development will have no effect on the high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
increase in the tax is, almost nothing in front of their cravings towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

Creating awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthily
is
also
not the optimal solution. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who eat the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are already
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and aware.
For instance
, according to the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, most of the employees working in the IT firms are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are unaware of its disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack the time to prepare it.
Hence
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choice, despite knowing its impact.
Therefore
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should focus on creating healthy alternatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which are
easily
accessible and affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, everyone can enjoy it.

To conclude
, imposing taxes on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption among the lower income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should create
easily
accessible and affordable alternatives of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay fit and healthy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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