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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Agree or disagree? Give opinion with personal example v.22

It is often considered that there are more advantages to choosing a job with a high wage even if it does not appeal to you all. I disagree with this opinion and think that job satisfaction is more important than high wage. On one hand, some people believe that job satisfaction gives people sense fulfillment and money can not guarantee. Job satisfaction is a more important role in individual life. When people are happy with work they are working efficiently and without force for any work. Even if some people have high wage controversy they have more responsibility, heavy workload and needs to achieve their target so they are feeling tension and won’t be enjoying their life. many people choosing their passionate work so they can be happy in this work for example many researchers made their career choices not because of applying high salary because of They are passionate about science. On the other hand, some people believe that high salary is most important in a competitive world. They can give a luxurious life to their family. they have Premium brand cars and big bungalows. E. g. Many people send children to a good school for better education and require the parents to give a high fee which can only be possible when income is high. Moreover income and increase in bank balance will improve status in society and people are giving respect to their position. However, I think self satisfaction is more important in a stressful world. if we are satisfying that work. Automatically we are achieving our success, Position and as well as money. If you have Good relationship at your workplace you can achieve that success easily. In conclusion, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that there are more advantages to choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage even if it does not appeal to you all. I disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sense fulfillment and money can not guarantee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in individual life. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they are working
efficiently
and without force for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage controversy they have more responsibility, heavy workload and needs to achieve their target
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are feeling tension and won’t be enjoying their life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing their passionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be happy in this
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work
for example
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many
researchers made their career choices not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
Probable usage error. Use "because They" instead.
because of They
are passionate about science.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary is most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in a competitive world. They can give a luxurious life to their family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
have Premium brand cars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
bungalows.
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
E. g.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
children to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school for better education and require the parents to give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fee which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be possible when income is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
income and increase in bank balance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
status in society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are giving respect to their position.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in a stressful world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
we are satisfying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Automatically
we are achieving our success, Position and
as well
as money.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
relationship at your workplace you can achieve that success
easily
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy and motivated.
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IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide a relevant example and

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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