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Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree Discuss both views and give our own opinion v.1

Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree 1
In this day and age, it is seen that there is an increasing trend consuming fast food. Most of the people are suffering from fitness issues due to excessive intake of junk meal. From my point of view, governments have to implement a higher tax on ready made items which will result snacks out budget of the people. Initially, folks are engaged in their jobs and have less time for cooking a healthier meal. So, they feel the easiness for buying convenience meals as an effect of people are suffering from different strength issues such as obesity, cardiac as well blood pressure which can be reduced by penalized duties from governments. For instance, a recent research has shown that individuals of the United Kingdom are enduring from the problem of obesity the most due to greater tax they can not buy canned things. On the contrary, high prices of snacks will not diminish the number of individuals completely who experience health problems. Governments should organize seminars, campaigns and workshops to educate folks about the drawbacks of unhealthy components which are extremely harmful to the human body. To exemplify, hydrogenated oils are excessively used which heighten the cholesterol and host the other health problem. Individuals have no knowledge about these chemicals which are used in ready made items. To sum up, I believe that greater duties in all types of convenience meals will reduce their import and export, which will have a huge impact upon their consumption and individuals to have less experienced health issues.
In this day and age, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there is an increasing trend consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from fitness issues due to excessive intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
. From my point of view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
implement a higher tax on
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
items which will result snacks out budget of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Initially
, folks
are engaged
in their jobs and have less time for cooking a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they feel the easiness for buying convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
as an effect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strength issues such as obesity, cardiac
as well
blood pressure which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by penalized duties from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
For instance
, a recent research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
of the United Kingdom are enduring from the problem of obesity the most due to greater tax they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
canned things.

On the contrary
, high prices of snacks will not diminish the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
completely who experience health problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should organize seminars, campaigns and workshops to educate folks about the drawbacks of unhealthy components which are
extremely
harmful to the human body. To exemplify, hydrogenated oils are
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
which heighten the cholesterol and host the other health problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
have no knowledge about these chemicals which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
items.

To sum up, I believe that greater duties in all types of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their import and export, which will have a huge impact upon their consumption and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to have less experienced health issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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