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Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important 1
People have different views with regard to expenditure of time. While some consider that the most paramount thing is to develop own career, others claim that there are other factors to spend time on such as family or friends. I, in turn, have a tendency to support the latter opinion. On the one hand, people who put forward the view that career is essential have reasons why they support this idea. Firstly, addiction to their job may be caused by people' s character. For example, if people are too shy or introverted, they will have a difficulty to make friends. Hence, they may prefer to do their job instead of hanging out with friends. Secondly, the majority of people have a passion for their job, therefore, they prefer to improve their career. This kind of people pay more attention to their work rather than family or friends. Since, job is vital and it is happiness for them, when they achieve their best in their job. On the other hand, there are other factors which is in the same level with career. One of them is relationship. Namely, people should notice their family and friends. Because, they are one of the most indespensable part of our life. They always help and advise us in our ups and downs. For instance, if we have some problems in our work, we can solve them with the help of our itnimates. Furthermore, there is another factor besides job, family and friends, it is hobby. For it helps people to spend their time interestingly. As an exemple, people are bored or tired with their work, they can deal with their pastime activities in order to improve efficiency. In conclusion, people should not limit themselves with only job and they should feel that there are other important things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views with regard to expenditure of time. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider that the most paramount thing is to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, others claim that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors to spend time on such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I, in turn, have a tendency to support the latter opinion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who put forward the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is essential have reasons why they support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Firstly
, addiction to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may
be caused
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s character.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too shy or introverted, they will have a difficulty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Hence
, they may prefer to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
of hanging out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Secondly
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a passion for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
therefore
, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention to their work
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is vital and it is happiness for them, when they achieve their best in their job.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which is in the same level with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. One of them is relationship.
Namely
,
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people
should notice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they are one of the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
indespensable
part of our life. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and advise us in our ups and downs.
For instance
, if we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in our work, we can solve them with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of our
Possible spelling mistake found.
itnimates
.
Furthermore
, there is another factor
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, it is hobby. For it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their time
interestingly
. As an
Possible spelling mistake found.
exemple
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are bored
or tired with their work, they can deal with their pastime activities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
efficiency.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not limit themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they should feel that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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