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Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree Discuss both views and give our own opinion v.2

Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree 2
Nowadays work-life balance is a subject of a controversial issue, affect life of all people; while some highlight the importance of career progression in a person' s life more than spending time with family, critics condemn this idea and believe that people should spend more time with their loved ones. In this essay, I will discuss viewpoints of both sides of the debate and express my perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, proponents of career success often mention the financial aspect of job achievement. By being a top-rated workforce in any field, one would have a choice to find a job at best companies, which offer high salary and package to their employees. This would enable the person to support his family financially or poor people, by donating to charities. Besides that, some people need challenges and hard-working in their life, since it is matched with their personality. There are a lot of people, who would get bored by family gathering or socializing with friend, while get excited by progression in their work, that gives them great satisfaction. On the other hand, critics believe that focusing only on career, while neglecting family and friends, is not a healthy practice for one' s life, especially in the long-term. Widespread stressed-related diseases or depression, especially in the developed countries, signals that people should have a more balanced lifestyle, by changing their habit and spending adequate amount of time with their family. Moreover, opponents argue that nothing, ranging from money or success, could replace a person role in his/her nuclear family. For instance, children, whom bring up without enough attention by their parents due to long-hours jobs, would suffer from a lot of problems in their adulthood. In summary, while the role of professional success in one' s life is undeniable, it is sensible to conclude that people should put aside materialistic consideration and not sacrifice their own and family' s well-being, the most important priority in everyone' s life.
Nowadays work-life balance is a subject of a controversial issue, affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
; while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highlight the importance of career progression in a
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person&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than spending time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, critics condemn this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend more time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. In this essay, I will discuss viewpoints of both sides of the debate and express my perspective in the conclusion.

On the one hand, proponents of career success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mention the financial aspect of job achievement. By being a top-rated workforce in any field, one would have a choice to find a job at best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which offer high salary and package to their employees. This would enable the person to support his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
or poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, by donating to charities.
Besides
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need challenges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, since it
is matched
with their personality. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gathering or socializing with friend, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excited by progression in their work, that gives them great satisfaction.

On the other hand
, critics believe that focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on career, while neglecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, is not a healthy practice for
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
especially
in the long-term. Widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
-related diseases or depression,
especially
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, signals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a more balanced lifestyle, by changing their habit and spending adequate amount of time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
, opponents argue that nothing, ranging from money or success, could replace a person role in his/her nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For instance
, children, whom bring up without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention by their parents due to long-hours jobs, would suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems in their adulthood.

In summary, while the role of professional success in
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is undeniable, it is sensible
to conclude
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should put aside materialistic consideration and not sacrifice their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s well-being, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
priority in
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyone&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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