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Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons and include example v.1

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. Give reasons and include example v. 1
In recent times, raising kids has become a tough phase of the parent's life. Some are of the view that parents should necessarily opt for an appropriate training program in order to develop their kids. I am in complete agreement with the above viewpoint as it can help guardians to understand their kid's behavior and manage their diet. First and foremost, the key reason why I believe that mother and father should go to a parenting course is that it can help them understand their kid's actions. This is because toddlers usually use a variety of signs to communicate during their initial days. For example, pupils generally cry a lot when they catch cold or experience sleepiness. Thus, these sought of programs are of paramount importance to get to know the child better and provide them with an adequate response. Furthermore, another significant reason would be that it can help them to figure out healthier food and supplies. Th is is because a wide number of people does not generally aware of the nutrients which are essential in the development of a kid's brain and body. To illustrate, as per the recent report by P&G, more than half of the brain development of a child happens within the first few years of his or her biological age. Hence, it is crucial to know which food and supplement is best for the development of a pupil. To conclude, it is believed that parents should join tuition classes to learn about how to raise a child. I certainly believe in this thought as it can help parents to understand their sign languages and can grasp a deep understanding of relevant and nutritious food supplies.
In recent times, raising kids has become a tough phase of the parent's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the view that parents should
necessarily
opt for an appropriate training program in order to develop their kids. I am in complete agreement with the above viewpoint as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
guardians to understand their kid's behavior and manage their diet.

First
and foremost, the key reason why I believe that mother and father should go to a parenting course is that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them understand their kid's actions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
toddlers
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a variety of signs to communicate during their initial days.
For example
, pupils
generally
cry a lot when they catch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or experience sleepiness.
Thus
, these sought of programs are of paramount importance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the child better and provide them with an adequate response.

Furthermore
, another significant reason would be that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to figure out healthier food and supplies.
Make sure that 'Th' is the chemical symbol for thorium, and not a typing error. Did you mean "The"?
Th
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a wide number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
does not
generally
aware of the nutrients which are essential in the development of a kid's brain and body. To illustrate, as per the recent report by P&G, more than half of the brain development of a child happens within the
first
few years of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
biological age.
Hence
, it is crucial to know which food and supplement is best for the development of a pupil.

To conclude
, it
is believed
that parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
tuition classes to learn about how to raise a child. I
certainly
believe in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
parents to understand their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
languages and can grasp a deep understanding of relevant and nutritious food supplies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. Give reasons and include example v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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