Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important things. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important things. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. v. 1
In the recent times, the priority of an individual has become a mooted issue. Some intellectuals opine that a person has to devote an ample time to enhance his prosperous career which helps them to earn a fortune, whereas others adhere to give more importance to his kith and kin which gives them guidance. This essay will discuss my stance with supporting arguments in the following paragraphs. To begin with, a former view derives that the development in the professional life is the major concern for the people on the verge of a competitive world. Creating a dynamic career needs more focus on the enhancement of skills of a person, which consumes more time. Moreover, in this materialistic world, the fraternity of all the field is trying to achieve the best position and career with the prime priority. Hence, they have to utilize their all the resources along with their time. For instance, to build a dynamic career, the computer engineers have to rely not only on their qualification but also their practical skills and latest machine languages, which need more amount of time and efforts. On the other hand, the family and friends persist crucial role in an individual’s emotional health and personal life. The personal life works as a backbone of a person, who is looking for the development of the career. Therefore, the people have to allocate more time to build a stronger personal life and emotional health. For example, if a person gets a disappointment in his professional life, then the support from his family can prevent him from depression and encourage him for the other enthusiastic attempt. Thus, more involvement with family and friends is ultimately helping the people to develop their careers. In conclusion, the dramatic swing of the priority of the people affects their future goals and personal life at a large extent. In my opinion, career and family are both essential for an individual. Thus, he has to maintain balance between them and move towards sustainable and prosperous future.
In the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, the priority of an individual has become a mooted issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
intellectuals opine that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
devote an ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance his prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to earn a fortune, whereas others adhere to give more importance to his kith and kin which gives them guidance. This essay will discuss my stance with supporting arguments in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a former view derives that the development in the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the major concern for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the verge of a competitive world. Creating a dynamic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
needs more focus on the enhancement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, which consumes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, in this materialistic world, the fraternity of all the field is trying to achieve the best position and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with the prime priority.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
utilize their all the resources along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, to build a dynamic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, the computer engineers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their qualification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and latest machine languages, which need more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and efforts.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends persist crucial role in an individual’s emotional health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
works as a backbone of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who is looking for the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to build a stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and emotional health.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a disappointment in his professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, then the support from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him from depression and encourage him for the other enthusiastic attempt.
Thus
, more involvement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends is
ultimately
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their careers.

In conclusion
, the dramatic swing of the priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affects their future goals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at a large extent. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are both essential for an individual.
Thus
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
maintain balance between them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards sustainable and prosperous future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important things. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts