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Nowadays, a lot of charities and organizations have set up a number of days name the special day to attract people's attention, like National Children's day, National Non-smoking Day. Why do they have to do so, and what will the effects be? v.2

Nowadays, a lot of charities and organizations have set up a number of days name the special day to attract people's attention, like National Children's day, National Non-smoking Day. Why do they have to do so, and what will the effects be? v. 2
Although annually, various social problems have emergenced blizzardly, the issue asto whether the purposes of taking these phenomenons to set name for exact days of charities and organizations and performances of these particular days remains unclear. Firstly, it is clear that almost these unusual days, which is set name by charities and organization, is overheated issues but ignored by modern citizens who become more and more desensitised and indifferent, such as child violence, environment population crisis, smoke population. . . For this reason, setting special name for one day to draw the attention of audiences is positive action of charities and organizations. Besides, these specific days are able to enlist public sympathy and encourage participant to take more action in social problems. For example, “National Children’s day” could help adults regconite the significance of taking care of children and how to protect them from violence in family, even in school. Secondly, it is difficulty to estimate about effectiveness of those particular days while the trend of setting special names from the range volunteer organizations has bombarded to community. This trend has impacted on conciousness of citizens and made them less emotion with numorous days which have the same meaning but different name. However, with efforts of charities and organizations which are acummulated through annual activities, could make snow-ball effects to society. Besides, the involvement of celebrities who is representations and ambassators could add influence to each specific days. Taking all above mentioned facts into account, the particular days which are gave special names by charities and oganizations have created effect on community and society with higher purpose. Howerver, abuse of these specific days by some organizations should be restricted to maintain the goods meaning of this action in public.
Although
annually
, various social problems have
Possible spelling mistake found.
emergenced
Possible spelling mistake found.
blizzardly
, the issue
Possible spelling mistake found.
asto
whether the purposes of taking these phenomenons to set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
for exact days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
and performances of these particular days remains unclear.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that almost these unusual days, which
is set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
,
is overheated
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by modern citizens who become more and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'desensitised' is British English.
desensitised
and indifferent, such as child violence, environment population crisis, smoke population.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For this reason
, setting special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
for one day to draw the attention of audiences is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
action of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
Besides
, these specific days are able to enlist public sympathy and encourage participant to take more action in social problems.
For example
, “National Children’s day” could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
adults
Possible spelling mistake found.
regconite
the significance of taking care of children and how to protect them from violence in family, even in school.

Secondly
, it is difficulty to estimate about effectiveness of those particular days while the trend of setting special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
names
from the range volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
has bombarded to community. This trend has impacted on
Possible spelling mistake found.
conciousness
of citizens and made them less emotion with
Possible spelling mistake found.
numorous
days which have the same meaning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
.
However
, with efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
acummulated
through annual activities, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
snow-ball effects to society.
Besides
, the involvement of celebrities who is representations and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ambassators
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
influence to each specific days.

Taking all above mentioned facts into account, the particular days which are
Did you mean "give"?
gave
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
names
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
oganizations
have created effect on community and society with higher purpose.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Howerver
, abuse of these specific days by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should
be restricted
to maintain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
meaning of this action in public.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, a lot of charities and organizations have set up a number of days name the special day to attract people's attention, like National Children's day, National Non-smoking Day. Why do they have to do so, and what will the effects be? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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