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Some think it is right to give beggars money on the street while others think it is wrong to do it. What is your stance on this topic? Be sure to include specific details and examples in your response. v.1

Some think it is right to give beggars money on the street while others think it is wrong to do it. What is your stance on this topic? Be sure to include specific details and examples in your response. v. 1
These days, most kids get obese because of lack of activity and a sedentary lifestyle. It is suggested that schools should increase the duration of games and physical activities for the kids, in order to resolve this issue. I strongly advocate this approach of schools taking this initiative. In this essay we will discuss this in detail and will suggest two other possible solutions for this problem. Will schools be the best to tackle this issue? I believe, yes, they will. Since, in modern education system, students spend most of their day in schools, therefore, broadening sports and workout slot in the curriculum will ascertain a healthy lifestyle within the school community. Furthermore, it can make many students interested in various sports as they get more time to learn and practice it. To illustrate, a study by child psychology department of UK states that kids who play sports in their school are expected to lead a perfectly healthy life than those who do not. As a result, education system integrating this activity learning in their syllabus will certainly ensure a counterattack to overweight issues by children. Healthy mind stays in a healthy body. Hence, it becomes the responsibility of the parents to ensure that they educate their offspring to lead an active life by providing them with healthy eating options, meanwhile, themselves being a role model for their offspring by pursuing a robust living style. To illustrate, it is generally seen that fit parents have active kids. In addition to this, the government should also intervene to make the nation flourish. The law making body should increase the taxes on fast food, which is getting really famous among these adolescents and teenagers. This step will curb the excess sale of such processed food. Unless, the adults and the union together do not stand up for a strong future, the next generation will not learn the way away from obesity. To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that the increased physical activities by the school will be propitious for overcoming the problem in today's kids. Also, guardians and the legislation should take their stand to counter attack this obstacle, and assure a safe and sound future.
These days, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and a sedentary lifestyle. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should increase the duration of games and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, in order to resolve this issue. I
strongly
advocate this approach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
taking this initiative. In this essay we will discuss this in detail and will suggest two other possible solutions for this problem.

Will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
be the best to tackle this issue? I believe, yes, they will. Since, in modern education system, students spend most of their day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
therefore
, broadening sports and workout slot in the curriculum will ascertain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
community.
Furthermore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students interested in various sports as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time to learn and practice it. To illustrate, a study by child psychology department of UK states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who play sports in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to lead a
perfectly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life than those who do not.
As a result
, education system integrating this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
learning in their syllabus will
certainly
ensure a counterattack to overweight issues by children.

Healthy mind stays in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body.
Hence
, it becomes the responsibility of the parents to ensure that they educate their offspring to lead an active life by providing them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating options, meanwhile, themselves being a role model for their offspring by pursuing a robust living style. To illustrate, it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that fit parents have active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
intervene to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the nation flourish. The law making body should increase the taxes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which is getting
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among these adolescents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This step will curb the excess sale of such processed food. Unless, the adults and the union together do not stand up for a strong future, the
next
generation will not learn the way away from obesity.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that the increased physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will be propitious for overcoming the problem in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Also
, guardians and the legislation should take their stand to counter attack this obstacle, and assure a safe and sound future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some think it is right to give beggars money on the street while others think it is wrong to do it. What is your stance on this topic? Be sure to include specific details and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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