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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FIRST-YEAR UNIVERSITY STUDENTS HAVE POOR STUDY SKILL, SHOULD WE GIVE THEM A COURSE TO DEVELOP THEIR STUDY SKILL OR NOT. WHAT DO YOU THINK? EXPLAIN IT WITH SPECIFIC EXAMPLES. v.1

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FIRST-YEAR UNIVERSITY STUDENTS HAVE POOR STUDY SKILL, SHOULD WE GIVE THEM A COURSE TO DEVELOP THEIR STUDY SKILL OR NOT. WHAT DO YOU THINK? EXPLAIN IT WITH SPECIFIC EXAMPLES. v. 1
Childhood education is one of the hottest topics nowadays as people are becoming more aware of the importance of children's upbringing. Some people hold opinions that they should learn to be competitive enough to embrace their future life while others think they should have been gregarious. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides. Firstly, people have been competing with each other consciously or unconsciously since they were born. Examples can be seen businessmen strive for more efficient ways of production to save cost and increase profits; students work diligently for more opportunities to get top grades or to be able to enter well-known universities; parents spur their children to be outstanding among their peers and every one of us is eager for success or a relatively good standard of living conditions. Moreover, in order to get a good job with high salary and social status, people have to become more competent. It is a common phenomenon that many applicants compete for one position in job markets. Hence, the lesson from the observation is that teaching people how to compete at a young age is of high importance. On the other hand, children also need to cooperate with others. The society where we live is a huge family that contains everyone’s contribution. In other words, it is not a platform for a single person. Speaking of, for instance, filmmaking, money exchanging, products circulation and international trade, there is undoubtedly a need for a variety of people in order to make them run properly. Hence, children need to be taught how to share and cooperate with other people as they live in the family. Cooperation is, as well, a way to make things easier and more effective with everyone’s participation and contribution. For example, management board in a company is usually made up by more than one person. In conclusion, children should become more competitive and at the same time they need to learn how to cooperate with others as both sides will bring merit to them.
Childhood education is one of the hottest topics nowadays as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more aware of the importance of children's upbringing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold opinions that they should learn to be competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to embrace their future life while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should have been gregarious. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been competing with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
consciously
or
unconsciously
since they
were born
. Examples can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
businessmen strive for more efficient ways of production to save cost and increase profits; students work
diligently
for more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
top grades or to be able to enter well-known universities; parents spur their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be outstanding among their peers and every one of us is eager for success or a
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living conditions.
Moreover
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job with high salary and social status,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become more competent. It is a common phenomenon that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applicants compete for one position in job markets.
Hence
, the lesson from the observation is that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to compete at a young age is of high importance.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to cooperate with others. The society where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is a huge family that contains everyone’s contribution. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is not a platform for a single person. Speaking of,
for instance
, filmmaking, money exchanging, products circulation and international trade, there is
undoubtedly
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them run
properly
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be taught
how to share and cooperate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the family. Cooperation is,
as well
, a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things easier and more effective with everyone’s participation and contribution.
For example
, management board in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is
usually
made up by more than one person.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should become more competitive and at the same time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to learn how to cooperate with others as both sides will bring merit to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FIRST-YEAR UNIVERSITY STUDENTS HAVE POOR STUDY SKILL, SHOULD WE GIVE THEM A COURSE TO DEVELOP THEIR STUDY SKILL OR NOT. WHAT DO YOU THINK? EXPLAIN IT WITH SPECIFIC EXAMPLES. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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