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3. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not interrupt others while they are giving opinions v.1

3. People should not interrupt others while they are giving opinions v. 1
It is indeed that the music has a predominant influence on the community. Hence, many intellectuals perceive that the music could be a key platform to indulge all the people from the diverse traditions and age groups. I strongly agree with the above notion; where the music is essential for the spiritual and social development of all sections of the society. To begin with, the major impact of the music is that, the mesmerising effect of music can eradicate all the barrier of the social vices and international boundaries. Although, the generation gap between older and younger ones from the various cultures might differentiate them, the common factor of music brings them together and build a great bonding. For instance, the music concerts of Michal Jackson had brought millions of people in a single rhythm by his extraordinary musical skills. Moreover, many social workers are utilizing the music as a tool to spread awareness to the society for prevention of social taboos and vices. Thus, the music unites all the cultures and all the age groups. Furthermore, the music is also work as a stress buster for users of all ages. Therefore, many people use their electronic gadgets to listen the songs of different genres during their leisure and travelling. In addition, many cultures have their identities in the globe due to their unique sense of music as well as dance. As a result, in this global village, everyone is indulged with the uniqueness other cultures and people of any age by enjoying the aboriginal music. For example, the Gujarati people are mostly acknowledged for their garba songs and traditional dance in all over the world. Thus, the music plays a vital role to unite all the members of the society. In conclusion, the music is not only an art form, but also it is an identity of many cultures and people. The music plays a critical role to establish bonding between different culture as well as many skilled artist establish their dynamic career to serve the mankind.
It is
indeed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a predominant influence on the community.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intellectuals perceive that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could be a key platform to indulge all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the diverse traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above notion; where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is essential for the spiritual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development of all sections of the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is that, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerising' is British English.
mesmerising
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can eradicate all the barrier of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
vices and international boundaries. Although, the generation gap between older and younger ones from the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
might differentiate them, the common factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings them together and build a great bonding.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concerts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Michal
Jackson had brought millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a single rhythm by his extraordinary musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
workers are utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a tool to spread awareness to the society for prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
taboos and vices.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
unites all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
work as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for users of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their electronic gadgets to listen the songs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genres during their leisure and travelling.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
have their identities in the globe due to their unique sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as well
as dance.
As a result
, in this global village, everyone
is indulged
with the uniqueness other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
by enjoying the aboriginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
, the Gujarati
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
acknowledged for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
garba
songs and traditional dance in all over the world.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role to unite all the members of the society.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an art form,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is an identity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a critical role to establish bonding between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
skilled artist establish their dynamic career to serve the mankind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay 3. People should not interrupt others while they are giving opinions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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