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some teachers and parents feel that controlling child behavior is good. Others feel that they should not be controlled. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some teachers and parents feel that controlling child behavior is good. Others feel that they should not be controlled. v. 1
Different schools of thought exist among mentors and guardians when it comes to controlling children’s behavior. While some believe that there should be strict control in their upbringing, while others are more lenient on the control. However, I partially agree with the notion that children need to be controlled but not in a strict way that they feel they miss their freedom. On the one hand, many people think that it is very important for parents and teachers to teach a certain set of rules to children so that they are aware of what is good and what will be bad for them. Children do not have enough awareness to decide about right and wrong and which rules will help them and which rule if not followed will get them in trouble. Thus, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a respectful society that is virtually free from negative trends such as drug abuse and prostitution. On the other hand, there are others who think that forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior does not always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfired and worked against society and families. For instance, teenagers are most likely to do the opposite of what they are told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have the right to exercise their free will and developed their own patterns of behaviors. Therefore, imposing strict rules may simply destroy the individuality of children. To conclude, in my opinion, it is clear that children should be guided by rules and regulations, but these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develops their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
exist among mentors and guardians when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
control in their upbringing, while others are more lenient on the control.
However
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be controlled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
way that they feel they miss their freedom.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for parents and teachers to teach a certain set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are aware of what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and what will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
awareness to decide about right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them and which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
if not followed will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them in trouble.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
create responsible and respectful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a respectful society
that is
virtually
free from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends such as drug abuse and prostitution.

On the other hand
, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
does not always yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results as discussed above, most of the time it backfired and worked against society and families.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are most likely to do the opposite of what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to do
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to be independent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
also
have the right to exercise their free will and developed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
patterns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
.
Therefore
, imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
may
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the individuality of children.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be guided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should not
be imposed
on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as human beings, they need to have room to develops their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some teachers and parents feel that controlling child behavior is good. Others feel that they should not be controlled. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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