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Some suggest that young people take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.1

Some suggest that young people take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 1
Nowadays, people are suffering from sickness due to stress getting rise day by day. This essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is over usage of technology and traffic congestion. However, this essay will also propose viable solutions to these problems by healthy activity and using public transport instead of own vehicles. People are indulging longer hours on latest technologies mobiles, tablets or portable computers. As there are numerous task either related to office work or education, individuals are constantly spending their time in front of these gadgets. Due to this various health issues generated. For instance, mentally disturbed, hormone imbalance, loss of eye-vision. Furthermore, another most considerable factor of mental sickness is traffic congestion. It triggers the stress level rise up to 60%. For example, individuals usually faced traffic, crowded normally during morning and evening timings. The appropriate solutions caused by two main factors are maintaining the balance lifestyle and improving public transport. People should adopt healthy life cycle by involving themselves in various activities to relax their minds, For example, Participate in sports or outdoor activities, Following balance-diet chart. In addition to resolving traffic population, people should use Government provided metro train, buses despite of their own transport. This will eventually solve pollution and overflow of traffic as well. To conclude, people are increasingly becoming victims of stress issues. This essay discussed how stress is frequently raised by technology and traffic. This essay also suggested how people get comfort by involving physical activities, whereas for transportation issue which can be resolved by avoiding using a high amount of vehicles.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from sickness due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
getting rise day by day. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
first
suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is over usage of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
propose viable solutions to these problems by healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and using public transport
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are indulging longer hours on latest technologies mobiles, tablets or portable computers. As there are numerous
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "tasks"?
task
either related to office work or education, individuals are
constantly
spending their time in front of these gadgets. Due to this various health issues generated.
For instance
, mentally disturbed, hormone imbalance, loss of eye-vision.
Furthermore
, another most considerable factor of mental sickness is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion. It triggers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level rise up to 60%.
For example
, individuals
usually
faced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
, crowded
normally
during morning and evening timings.

The appropriate solutions caused by two main factors are maintaining the balance lifestyle and improving public transport.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should adopt healthy life cycle by involving themselves in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to relax their minds,
For example
, Participate in sports or outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, Following balance-diet chart.
In addition
to resolving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
provided metro train, buses
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
transport. This will
eventually
solve pollution and overflow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
as well
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
becoming victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
issues. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
frequently
raised by technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
comfort by involving physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, whereas for transportation issue which can
be resolved
by avoiding using a high amount of vehicles.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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