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Some suggest that young people should take a job for few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1

Some suggest that young people should take a job for few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. 1
Some people recommend that the school graduates should work for a few years before enrolling universities. This essay will suggest that self-identification is the biggest benefit of this and losing belief to study is the principal drawback. These days the quality of tertiary education is suffering due to its students who could not choose their occupation properly. According to a recent student satisfaction survey of universities conducted by the Mongolian National Statistical Agency, two third of the respondents answered that they are dissatisfied with their current study because of their incorrect choice of the profession. Additionally, it is expected that after their graduation, most of them might not work as their professional major. However, gap years may allow younger people to recognize themselves by knowing their real interest as well as needs while experiencing different jobs. In my case, one of my university classmates used to work prior to study the university. Therefore, he could understand the profession which is highly suitable for him, and graduated from the university with high distinction along with several job offers. Despite these advantages, some students are persuaded for getting a job instead of go directly to higher education. Although they wish to initially acquire a bachelor degree after working for a time, most of them lose gradually their hope to study at a higher level education due to work place adaptation. An illustration of this is that one third of students who take years off never study at universities, as stated by the Ministry of Education and Culture of Mongolia’s annual report. Moreover, my grandfather could not enter the tertiary education because of year off even though receiving an unconditional offer from Lomonosov Moscow State University. In conclusion, taking years off might be advantageous if students use it for identifying themselves effectively, however, they should be careful since it can be reducing their motivation to study for further education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
recommend that the school graduates should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a few years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. This essay will suggest that self-identification is the biggest benefit of this and losing belief to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is the principal drawback.

These days the quality of tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is suffering due to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who could not choose their occupation
properly
. According to a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
satisfaction survey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
conducted by the Mongolian National Statistical Agency, two third of the respondents answered that they
are dissatisfied
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their incorrect choice of the profession.
Additionally
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that after their graduation, most of them might not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as their professional major.
However
, gap years may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to recognize themselves by knowing their real interest
as well
as needs while experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs. In my case, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
classmates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
prior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Therefore
, he could understand the profession which is
highly
suitable for him, and graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
with high distinction along with several job offers.

Despite these advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are persuaded
for getting a job
instead
of go
directly
to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although they wish to
initially
acquire a bachelor degree after working for a time, most of them lose
gradually
their hope to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at a higher level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place adaptation. An illustration of this is that one third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take years off never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, as stated by the Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and Culture of Mongolia’s annual report.
Moreover
, my grandfather could not enter the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off
even though
receiving an unconditional offer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lomonosov
Moscow State University.

In conclusion
, taking years off might be advantageous if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for identifying themselves
effectively
,
however
, they should be careful since it can be reducing their motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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