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Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.1

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 1
Which one should be gained first experience or knowledge? This question has long been a source of contention. Regarding this question, some people advise that the young ought to spend a number of years -between school and college- working. This suggestion has positive and negative aspects, a few of which will be discussed in this essay. Proponents of this piece of advice believe that entering a job after finishing school will desirably render a young citizen financially independent. This belief, or positive facet of the mentioned advice, is reinforced by the fact that achieving financial independence and freedom is the primary, if not the sole, rationale behind the people’s attending schools or universities. Furthermore, jumping into the business world before going to college offers practical knowledge to young individuals, some of which cannot be obtained in an academic environment. Accordingly, not only can the young attain a wealth of experience to list on their resume, but they also will become familiar with their genuine interests and talents, according to which they can select their future field of study or career more realistically and wisely. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks to postponing the educational process and taking a career instead. The first one is being detached from studies. To clarify, those who work during the aforesaid period would often receive a substantial number of perks and benefits. This could tempt them to shift their central focus to working, to the detriment of their educational progress. Another downside is that people who have come to this decision are bound to be outdone by their peers who have attended and graduated from universities in gaining higher positions or education. In summation, the upside of going on to work and skipping school includes acquiring financial autonomy and practical understanding of the real business world; nevertheless, this action has some disadvantages such as disengagement from studies and being surpassed by one's friends in educational life and achieving high rank careers.
Which one should
be gained
first
experience or knowledge? This question has long been a source of contention. Regarding this question,
some
people
advise that the
young
ought to spend a number of years -between
school
and college- working. This suggestion has
positive
and
negative
aspects, a few of which will
be discussed
in this essay.

Proponents of this piece of advice believe that entering a job after finishing
school
will
desirably
render a
young
citizen
financially
independent. This belief, or
positive
facet of the mentioned advice,
is reinforced
by the fact that achieving financial independence and freedom is the primary, if not the sole, rationale behind the
people
’s attending
schools
or universities.
Furthermore
, jumping into the business world
before
going to college offers practical knowledge to
young
individuals,
some
of which cannot
be obtained
in an academic environment.
Accordingly
, not
only
can the
young
attain a wealth of experience to list on their resume,
but
they
also
will become familiar with their genuine interests and talents, according to which they can select their future field of study or career more
realistically
and
wisely
.

On the other hand
, there are
some
drawbacks to postponing the educational process and taking a career
instead
. The
first
one is
being detached
from studies. To clarify, those who work during the aforesaid period would
often
receive a substantial number of perks and benefits. This could tempt them to shift their central focus to working, to the detriment of their educational progress. Another downside is that
people
who have
come
to this decision
are bound
to be outdone by their peers who have attended and graduated from universities in gaining higher positions or education.

In summation, the upside of going on to work and skipping
school
includes acquiring financial autonomy and practical understanding of the real business world;
nevertheless
, this action has
some
disadvantages such as disengagement from studies and
being surpassed
by one's friends in educational life and achieving high rank careers.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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