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Some people say that educational success depends mostly on a good teacher. Others say it depends on the attitude of the student. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that educational success depends mostly on a good teacher. Others say it depends on the attitude of the student. v. 1
It is said by some individuals that academic excellence is dependent solely on an excellent tutor. Others believe that it is dependent on the behaviour of the student. Although good instructors should introduce the course curriculum in an interesting manner, I believe students ought to be dedicated to studying in other that they attain success in their education. Excellent teachers should introduce the course curriculum in an interesting manner. Meaning the instructors ought to tutor these students in a way that they develop interest in the course. If a topic is not taught interestingly with humour, the students might lose the zeal to study. While in secondary school, my Geography teacher was extremely boring and he made me dislike the subject. Therefore, when tutors introduce subject outline in a fascinating way, it enables the students enjoy the subject and in turn, have a mastering of it for their future endeavours. Although this view is cogent, I disagree with it. On the other hand, students who are dedicated in their studies will achieve academic excellence. In other words, they will obtain good grades. Attending classes and listening attentively to the teacher's instructions will enhance quick assimilation of the topic taught and attaining success will be inevitable on examination day. University of Lagos student, Judith, is a good example, She showed a positive attitude in her school work and dedicated ample time to her studies, which gave her an edge ahead of her classmates, and she graduated with a first class. So, students who show good behaviour and are focused on their studies attain academic heights. In conclusion, despite people vary in their opinion, I think with the right attitude and dedication, students will increase their success rate in their educational pursuit.
It
is said
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that academic excellence is dependent
solely
on an excellent tutor. Others believe that it is dependent on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
instructors should introduce the course curriculum
Consider replacing "in an interesting manner" with the adverb for "interesting"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an interesting manner
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to
be dedicated
to studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
that they attain success in their education.

Excellent teachers should introduce the course curriculum
Consider replacing "in an interesting manner" with the adverb for "interesting"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an interesting manner
. Meaning the instructors ought to tutor these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a way that they develop interest in the course. If a topic is not taught
interestingly
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might lose the zeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. While in secondary school, my Geography teacher was
extremely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boring and
he made me dislike the subject.
Therefore
, when tutors introduce subject outline
Consider replacing "in a fascinating way" with the adverb for "fascinating"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a fascinating way
, it enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enjoy the subject and in turn, have a mastering of it for their future
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
. Although this view is cogent, I disagree with it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are dedicated
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
will achieve academic excellence. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they will obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades. Attending classes and listening
attentively
to the teacher's instructions will enhance quick assimilation of the topic taught and attaining success will be inevitable on examination day. University of Lagos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, Judith, is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example, She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude in her school work and dedicated ample time to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, which gave her an edge ahead of her classmates, and she graduated with a
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
are focused
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
attain academic heights.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
with the right attitude and dedication,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will increase their success rate in their educational pursuit.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people say that educational success depends mostly on a good teacher. Others say it depends on the attitude of the student. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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