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Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v.2

Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v. 2
It is often argued by some people that their individual rights are snatched away when they are not allowed to smoke in public areas, while there are others who welcome this restriction. Personally, I believe that these types of bans should be implemented for both the benefit of the environment. Firstly, public smoking is bad for public health. In other words, when a person smokes outside a private area, then other people are also inhaling the toxic air which could be harmful for their health. One of my uncles, for example, recently passed away due to lung cancer because of passive smoking. Because he always used to be around his best friend who was a chain smoker, my uncle had sadly been exposed to all the toxic air from the smoke. That is why, I firmly believe that more than individual freedom, the society's health should be given more importance by strongly restricting such actions. Secondly, smoking in public could be a bad influence for the next generation. To be more specific, teenagers could look at adults who smoke outside and may become eager to try it out. For example, my own cousin brother started consuming cigarettes at the age of thirteen. All this was because he had been looking at people smoking outside and at a point, he had become desperate to try one on his own. This is why, I think that smoking outside of private spaces should be restricted or even banned for the benefit of the generation to come. In conclusion, I stand firm on the fact that anyone who smokes in public areas should be penalized for doing so, and that individual freedom is only secondary. This is because the toxic air released from cigarettes could be dangerous to public health. Also, people who smoke in public area could be a bad influence for young people like teenagers.
It is
often
argued by
some
people
that their individual rights
are snatched
away when they are not
allowed
to
smoke
in
public
areas
, while there are others
who
welcome this restriction.
Personally
, I believe that these types of bans should
be implemented
for both the benefit of the environment.

Firstly
,
public
smoking
is
bad
for
public
health
.
In other words
, when a person
smokes
outside
a private
area
, then other
people
are
also
inhaling the toxic air which could be harmful for their
health
. One of my uncles,
for example
, recently passed away due to lung cancer
because
of passive
smoking
.
Because
he always
used
to be around his best friend
who
was a chain smoker, my uncle had
sadly
been exposed
to all the toxic air from the
smoke
.
That is
why, I
firmly
believe that more than individual freedom, the society's
health
should be
given
more importance by
strongly
restricting such actions.

Secondly
,
smoking
in
public
could be a
bad
influence for the
next
generation. To be more specific,
teenagers
could look at adults
who
smoke
outside
and may become eager to try it out.
For example
, my
own
cousin brother
started
consuming cigarettes at the age of thirteen. All this was
because
he had been looking at
people
smoking
outside
and at a point, he had become desperate to try one on his
own
. This is why, I
think
that
smoking
outside of
private spaces should
be restricted
or even banned for the benefit of the generation to
come
.

In conclusion
, I stand firm on the fact that anyone
who
smokes
in
public
areas
should
be penalized
for doing
so
, and that individual freedom is
only
secondary. This is
because
the toxic air released from cigarettes could be
dangerous
to
public
health
.
Also
,
people
who
smoke
in
public
area
could be a
bad
influence for young
people
like
teenagers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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