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Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v.2

Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v. 2
It is often argued by some people that their individual rights are snatched away when they are not allowed to smoke in public areas, while there are others who welcome this restriction. Personally, I believe that these types of bans should be implemented for both the benefit of the environment. Firstly, public smoking is bad for public health. In other words, when a person smokes outside a private area, then other people are also inhaling the toxic air which could be harmful for their health. One of my uncles, for example, recently passed away due to lung cancer because of passive smoking. Because he always used to be around his best friend who was a chain smoker, my uncle had sadly been exposed to all the toxic air from the smoke. That is why, I firmly believe that more than individual freedom, the society's health should be given more importance by strongly restricting such actions. Secondly, smoking in public could be a bad influence for the next generation. To be more specific, teenagers could look at adults who smoke outside and may become eager to try it out. For example, my own cousin brother started consuming cigarettes at the age of thirteen. All this was because he had been looking at people smoking outside and at a point, he had become desperate to try one on his own. This is why, I think that smoking outside of private spaces should be restricted or even banned for the benefit of the generation to come. In conclusion, I stand firm on the fact that anyone who smokes in public areas should be penalized for doing so, and that individual freedom is only secondary. This is because the toxic air released from cigarettes could be dangerous to public health. Also, people who smoke in public area could be a bad influence for young people like teenagers.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that their individual rights
are snatched
away when they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, while there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
welcome this restriction.
Personally
, I believe that these types of bans should
be implemented
for both the benefit of the environment.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In other words
, when a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, then other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
inhaling the toxic air which could be harmful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. One of my uncles,
for example
, recently passed away due to lung cancer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be around his best friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was a chain smoker, my uncle had
sadly
been exposed
to all the toxic air from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
.
That is
why, I
firmly
believe that more than individual freedom, the society's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance by
strongly
restricting such actions.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence for the
next
generation. To be more specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
could look at adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
and may become eager to try it out.
For example
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cousin brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
consuming cigarettes at the age of thirteen. All this was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had been looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
and at a point, he had become desperate to try one on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This is why, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
private spaces should
be restricted
or even banned for the benefit of the generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

In conclusion
, I stand firm on the fact that anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
be penalized
for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, and that individual freedom is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
secondary. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the toxic air released from cigarettes could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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