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Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.2

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 2
Nowadays, as the Free Life develops, many students decide after high school to spend some time looking for job. From different perspectives, in my opinion, giving a vacation not only a good side but also a bad side. First of all, taking a period of a year to rest or do some short-term work before going to college, I think it's worth it. Jobs give us more hands-on experience with practical skills such as working with others, managing time and handling money in a business. Time breaks as a step toward the future equip us with experience. Socially, this may be the time when most young people find like-minded people to exchange skills. About few people, this can be a relaxing year to do what you like. For example, where I live in Vietnam, some people consider the annual gap as a gift for themselves because they have difficulty preparing for graduation and university exams. To achieve best results, students almost do not have date to relax, do what they want. Giving yourself a distance of five is a reward for your efforts to do what they want, be it finding a part-time job or spending their time researching or cultivating knowledge. About something or thinking about the field they want to study when they go to college. On the other hand, although the five gaps are worth doing as I said above, everything has two sides so there are also some bad things. Between college and university is not the best time to start a new life or earn an income for yourself, so this is not the right time for people to participate in the vicious circle of life. We spend about 1/3 of our life studying and spending the rest of our lives living and working. So, don't let the biggest downside be that earning extra money and working for yourself can become distracting, causing us to think about dropping out of school and taking time to work. For example, my cousin, who decided to give himself some time to get a job before going to school but was pulled from the work so he dropped out of school, even though he had a job but now he can only do small part-time jobs. In short, I have always found the benefits of having a one-year gap between high school and educational institution far greater than the few disadvantages created. Working or cultivating yourself better can never be bad, there's more to learn than to lose. Students must be encouraged to find performance for a while before starting study at a university.
Nowadays, as the Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
develops,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students decide after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives, in my opinion, giving a vacation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, taking a period of a year to rest or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
short-term work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to college, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's worth it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
give us more hands-on experience with practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with others, managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and handling money in a business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
breaks as a step toward the future equip us with experience.
Socially
, this may be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. About few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this can be a relaxing year to do what you like.
For example
, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider the annual gap as a gift for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have difficulty preparing for graduation and university exams. To achieve best results, students almost do not have date to relax, do what they want. Giving yourself a distance of five is a reward for your efforts to do what they want, be it finding a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
researching or cultivating knowledge. About something or thinking about the field they want to study when they go to college.

On the other hand
, although the five gaps are worth doing as I said above, everything has two sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things. Between college and university is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or earn an income for yourself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is not the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in the vicious circle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We spend about 1/3 of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
studying and spending the rest of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
living and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the biggest downside be that earning extra money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for yourself can become distracting, causing us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about dropping out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work.
For example
, my cousin, who decided to give himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was pulled
from the work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he dropped out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
even though
he had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part-time jobs.

In short, I have always found the benefits of having a one-year gap between high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and educational institution far greater than the few disadvantages created.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
or cultivating yourself better can never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, there's more to learn than to lose. Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to find performance for a while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting study at a university.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
435 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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