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Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.4

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 4
It is really popular for youngsters taking gar year after their high school graduation. It is considered by some that it is quite beneficial for them, while others argue with this statement. This essay will discuss the both sides and explain with ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, appropriately choosing the future major is very crucial for teenagers. Because if they make the wrong decision for the university and the profession, it will be harmful to their future career and success. Instead of making unsure decision, it is better to take a job for a while or travelling the world. It will can greatly support to explore their internal personality and horizon their knowledge and views. For instance, working in service industry helps youngsters to realize how successfully communicate with consumers and counterparts. It would lead them to increase their interacting skills as well as be easier to later tertiary life routine. Moreover, they can be more independent with the financial situation to pay university payment. It means that it opens up them many opportunities to choose extra lessons they want. On the other hand, some people think that it wastes time and greatly losing their confidence with study. The main reason studying at third level education in later age, people might be losing their concentration skill and learning ability compared to the young people directly begin the university. According to the recent survey from the National Education Academy of Mongolia reports that people who are older than 5 years learning abilities lower than young people which is clear from the evaluation report. In addition, some people are very firm about their marriage especially for woman. Some parents are very strict for daughter’s life plan, they force them after graduation and until finding a proper job they should not have a relationship with a male. It really steals time from them. In short, there are many pros and cons taking a year off within in the educational process. People should critically consider about their decision whether they take a gap year or not. It might be beneficial for them depending on their personal situation.
It is
really
popular for youngsters taking gar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after their high school graduation. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is quite beneficial for them, while others argue with this statement. This essay will discuss the both sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
with ensuing paragraphs.

On the one hand,
appropriately
choosing the future major is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision for the university and the profession, it will be harmful to their future career and success.
Instead
of making unsure decision, it is better to take a job for a while or travelling the world. It
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, can", "will" or "can"?
will can
greatly
support to explore their internal personality and horizon their knowledge and views.
For instance
, working in service industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
youngsters to realize how
successfully
communicate with consumers and counterparts. It would lead them to increase their interacting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as be easier to later tertiary life routine.
Moreover
, they can be more independent with the financial situation to pay university payment. It means that it opens up them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to choose extra lessons they want.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it wastes time and
greatly
losing their confidence with study. The main reason studying at third level education in later age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be losing their concentration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and learning ability compared to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
the university. According to the recent survey from the National Education Academy of Mongolia reports that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are older than 5 years learning abilities lower than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the evaluation report.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
firm about their marriage
especially
for woman.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strict for daughter’s life plan, they force them after graduation and until finding a proper job they should not have a relationship with a male. It
really
steals time from them.

In short, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros and cons taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off within in the educational process.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
critically
Did you mean simply "consider their"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about their
decision whether they take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
or not. It might be beneficial for them depending on their personal situation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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