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Nowadays people are moving to other countries for seeking job. some people think it affects the childrens of such home negatively While someothers rhink it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion. v.1

Nowadays people are moving to other countries for seeking job. some people think it affects the childrens of such home negatively While someothers rhink it is beneficial to them. v. 1
In recent days, many people are interested in migrating to other countries especially for their carrier. While, moving they are forced to relocate their family. Some people are stating that this migration affects their children badly such as loneliness, difficulty to understand the new lounge while others suggesting that it provides benefits like opportunities to learn a new culture, a chance to taste a variety of foods. In this essay I am going to discuss both the views and my thought is such a migration greatly affects their children. To begin this, many children are under stress mainly they are forced to leave their old friends and relatives that makes them loneliness. Apart from this, they are very challenging to adapt to a new environment particularly cold or hot weather. Moreover, they are facing problem in communication as they are required to learn new lounge. One of my friends, recently moved to Canada with their ten year old daughter. They mentioned that in the beginning of new place her daughter also struggled many of those above mentioned issues. On the other sides, these new place offers children to acquire to learn a diverse culture. Also, it gives opportunities to become bold and independent to do their activities alone. For example, my nephew went to the USA two years ago with his parents. He had a great opportunity to perform his talent in music competition in one the USA academy and he won best singer award in that year. In addition, he loves to taste a variety of western foods like pizza, burger so he felt happy always and he is not experienced any discomfort in those new places. In my conclusion, though it gives a few advantages to children, but mostly it cause the mental and health related problems. Hence, I strongly recommend that these migrations greatly impact the quality of children's life.
In recent days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in migrating to other countries
especially
for their carrier.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, moving they
are forced
to relocate their family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are stating that this migration affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
badly
such as loneliness, difficulty to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lounge while others suggesting that it provides benefits like opportunities to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture, a chance to taste a variety of foods. In this essay I am going to discuss both the views and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is such a migration
greatly
affects their children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
mainly
they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends and relatives that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them loneliness. Apart from this, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging to adapt to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or hot weather.
Moreover
, they are facing problem in communication as they
are required
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lounge. One of my friends, recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to Canada with their ten year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter. They mentioned that in the beginning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place her daughter
also
struggled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of those above mentioned issues.

On the other sides, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acquire to learn a diverse culture.
Also
, it gives opportunities to become bold and independent to do their activities alone.
For example
, my nephew went to the USA two years ago with his parents. He had a great opportunity to perform his talent in music competition in one the USA
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
academy and
he
A determiner is probably missing here: "won the best".
won best
singer award in that year.
In addition
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to taste a variety of western foods like pizza, burger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he felt happy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
always and
he is not experienced any discomfort in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places.

In my conclusion, though it gives a few advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mostly
it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
the mental and health related problems.
Hence
, I
strongly
recommend that these migrations
greatly
impact the quality of children's life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people are moving to other countries for seeking job. some people think it affects the childrens of such home negatively While someothers rhink it is beneficial to them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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