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In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples. v.3

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 3
This trend in several nations over the globe is popular for juveniles to stop living with their families. They decide to stat living independently or with their friends. From my perspective, this is a negative shift, since it makes the young to live under certain risks and put them away from the love of a mother or father. First of all, living alone or with some companies teaches the youth to deal with all their affairs on their own. For instance, they have to get educated on financial matters by experimenting and realizing the value of money. This can be the most difficult problem for those who are not good at saving money. Researchers state that many young populations face more hardships than people who are adults. As an example, a person whose life is prepared for them by parents, can not climb the ladder of success independently. As a result, young generations have to become mature enough to start a new life. Moreover, due to living away from households, young school leavers are more likely to be tempted into wrong and anti-social activities, such as gambling, stealing, drug abuse and so on. Studies are published on juvenile crimes recently. This reveals that the majority of the culprits are not living with their families. Consequently, they often become mentally disturbed that may lead to depression. In conclusion, while quitting the parental house after passing out school can make the youngsters more self-confident, I strongly believe that it is more disadvantageous because of the harmful aspects of society. All in all, it can cause them to be emotionally deprived.
This trend in several nations over the globe is popular for juveniles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their families. They decide to stat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
or with their friends. From my perspective, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
shift, since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and put them away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of a mother or father.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone or with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
teaches the youth to deal with all their affairs on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated on financial matters by experimenting and realizing the value of money. This can be the most difficult problem for those who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at saving money. Researchers state that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
populations face more hardships than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are adults. As an example, a person whose life
is prepared
for them by parents, can not climb the ladder of success
independently
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life.

Moreover
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from households,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
are more likely to
be tempted
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and anti-social activities, such as gambling, stealing, drug abuse and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Studies
are published
on juvenile crimes recently. This reveals that the majority of the culprits are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their families.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become mentally disturbed that may lead to depression.

In conclusion
, while quitting the parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
after passing out school can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the youngsters more self-confident, I
strongly
believe that it is more disadvantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the harmful aspects of society. All in all, it can cause them to be
emotionally
deprived.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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