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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.33

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 33
Nowadays, scientific and cultural developments have helped the fight against starvation and malnutrition almost all over the world: some areas of the world, for example, have raised their standards of living due to the exploit of their economy. However, there are still some less developed countries that are struggling against those vital problems: people who live there, sometimes, cannot either eat once a day. This could happen for many reasons: first of all, the economy of those countries is very fragile and, consequently, the government cannot reinvest in decrees to enhance the standards of their citizens. Moreover, their low GDP limits both the food industry and the production of essential goods. I think that one feasible approach could may be promoting charity and donations of money in more developed countries, where people could be sensitized to help other human beings; furthermore, many campaigns of long-distance adoptions are diffusing between some families that can afford it: by paying a little amount of money, the benefactors can sponsor a child’s instruction and maintenance and even receive postcards in which the child himself tells his progress and his attitudes. Then, many NGO is providing medical aid, trying to limit the several damages caused by starvation and malnutrition. However, they need more and more fundings everyday. To sum up, it is important that economic aids are given to the countries with a less developed industry, but also that everybody gives a little contribute to save as many lives as the luckiest part of the world can.
Nowadays, scientific and cultural developments have
helped
the fight against starvation and malnutrition almost all over the world:
some
areas of the world,
for example
, have raised their standards of living due to the exploit of their economy.
However
, there are
still
some
less developed
countries
that are struggling against those vital problems:
people
who
live
there,
sometimes
, cannot either eat once a day.

This could happen for
many
reasons:
first of all
, the economy of those
countries
is
very
fragile and,
consequently
, the
government
cannot reinvest in decrees to enhance the standards of their citizens.
Moreover
, their low GDP limits both the food industry and the production of essential
goods
.

I
think
that one feasible approach
could may
be promoting charity and donations of money in more developed
countries
, where
people
could
be sensitized
to
help
other human beings;
furthermore
,
many
campaigns of long-distance adoptions are diffusing between
some
families that can afford it: by paying a
little
amount of money, the benefactors can sponsor a child’s instruction and maintenance and even receive postcards in which the child himself
tells
his progress and his attitudes.

Then,
many NGO
is providing medical aid, trying to limit the several damages caused by starvation and malnutrition.
However
, they need more and more
fundings
everyday
.

To sum up, it is
important
that economic aids are
given
to the
countries
with a less developed industry,
but
also
that everybody gives a
little
contribute to save as
many
lives
as the luckiest part of the world can.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 33

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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