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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v.6

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 6
Since the beginning of time, ancient tribal men were considered to be hunters and women were regarded as gatherers, hence making the entire mankind physically active and competitive for the soul purpose of survival. In the contemporary world, there has been a great deal of discussion, that physical education and sport should be included as mandatory in the school curriculum. This essay will argue that students will gain an abundance of life experiences and the required physical fitness for longevity, by adding these modules as mandatory subjects. Firstly, the advancement of the technology has distanced humans with their true nature, hence making a shorter life. In other words, the invention of electronic devices such as computers and play-station’s the youth has detached from physically demanding activities in general, therefore this has led to a perilous situation health-wise. It is a well-known fact that, deceases such as cholesterol, blood sugar and heart complications are prone to occur in the absence of necessary exercise. A recent study performed by the University of Sydney states that over 70% of schools around the globe does not include physically demanding modules into the curriculum as mandatory subjects, therefore the young generation have become prone to life threatening disease at a young age. This has led many nation’s human life expectancy levels to plummet significantly. Secondly, sports consist attributes such as experiences and competitiveness. The life of a human can be considered to be similar to a roller coaster. When we gain something either physical or an achievement we tend be happy and in the event of loss, human nature is to become sad therefore life gives us both ups and downs. Sports consists this attribute, hence by making it a mandatory module, the adolescents can be given this life experience at a very young age, therefore this will make our children to be prepared for any situation especially for the worst that life can give. In conclusion, by making sports and physical activity modules mandatory in the school curriculum will ensure that the youth will be better prepared for life at a very young age and any country that does this can expect a greater human life expectancy for its population.
Since the beginning of time, ancient tribal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were considered
to be hunters and women
were regarded
as gatherers,
hence
making the entire mankind
physically
active and competitive for the soul purpose of survival. In the contemporary world, there has been a great deal of discussion, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should
be included
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
in the school curriculum. This essay will argue that students will gain an abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences and the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness for longevity, by adding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modules
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
subjects.

Firstly
, the advancement of the technology has distanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
with their true nature,
hence
making a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
, the invention of electronic devices such as computers and play-station’s the youth has detached from
physically
demanding activities
in general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
this has led to a perilous situation health-wise.
It is a well-known fact that
, deceases such as cholesterol, blood sugar and heart complications are prone to occur in the absence of necessary exercise. A recent study performed by the University of Sydney states that over 70% of schools around the globe does not include
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modules
into the curriculum as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
subjects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation have become prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
threatening disease at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age. This has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy levels to plummet
significantly
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
consist attributes such as experiences and competitiveness. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can
be considered
to be similar to a roller coaster. When we gain something either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or an achievement we tend be happy and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of loss,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
nature is to become sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gives us both ups and downs.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport consists" or "Sports consist".
Sports consists
this attribute,
hence
by making it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
module
, the adolescents can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our children to
be prepared
for any situation
especially
for the worst that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can give.

In conclusion
, by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modules
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
in the school curriculum will ensure that the youth will be better prepared for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and any country that does this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy for its population.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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