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In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. v. 1
Some proponents claim that the elderly should be highly valued, I believe that both the young and the old should be paid equal attention. Critics argue that elderly people have more working experience which can be imparted to the new comers. Usually, they are more proficiency in their position compared with young people and the advice they put forward are valuable. For example, in china people tend to go to the elderly doctors for help because they believe that the older the doctors are, the more experienced they are. In fact, older doctors do operate better than those young doctors due to their wisdom and experience. When we turn to the other side of the arguments, there are some points that young people should not be ignored. First and foremost, the elderly usually stick to the convention. On contrast, it is young people who are flexible and creative and master various up to date technology. There is no doubt that they can bring energy to the society. For example, in the newspaper industry, the traditional work like editing and interviewing can’t meet the appetite of the employer. Some cutting edge skills like video editing is a necessity. Young people can be more fit into the change in the industry and learn new skills. Second, due to physical factors, young people are cheap labour force that are favored by those large companies because those companies must pay for the elderly medicine check and insurance for those elderly. In this circumstance, the labour force of young people is more economical, so they should be valued. By the way of conclusion, although the elderly are the treasure in the society, we should also pay attention to the young people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
proponents claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
should be
highly
valued, I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should
be paid
equal attention.

Critics argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more working experience which can
be imparted
to the
Did you mean "newcomers"?
new comers
.
Usually
, they are more proficiency in their position compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the advice they put forward are valuable.
For example
, in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that the older the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are, the more experienced they are. In fact, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
do operate better than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
due to their wisdom and experience.

When we turn to the other side of the arguments, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
usually
stick to the convention. On contrast, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are flexible and creative and master various up to date technology. There is no doubt that they can bring energy to the society.
For example
, in the newspaper industry, the traditional work like editing and interviewing can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the appetite of the employer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
cutting edge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like video editing is a necessity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more fit into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the industry and learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Second, due to physical factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force that
are favored
by those large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and insurance for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. In this circumstance, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is more economical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
be valued
.

By the way of conclusion, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
are the treasure in the society, we should
also
pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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