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Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.4

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 4
Work experience is one of the issues that young people need it for the sake of being successful in a career. Some individuals believe that for one or two years doing a job before of going to the university can be rewarding. Although there are a number of benefits involved in this regards, the drawbacks accruing to career for the youth are by no means negligible. On the plus side, the advantage of work experience before of starting academic level are manifold. To begin with, When students operate several years in the workplaces, including at companies, manufactures and organizations, they acquired the new experiences which are very useful in their future occupation. Simply put, these experiences could enhance the productivity of students after registering for the courses in the university. Take a student as a worker in the garden for example; Students are more likely to take in the new knowledge about agriculture and they may interest to this field. Therefore, this student would comprehend lessons more superior than others. Hence, the more job experience before of starting academic, the more chance to be successful in the academy. However, the downside cannot be ignored. By suspending take the education from school to university, it is probably possible that students forgot the main subjects that they have learned at school. That is to say, all information that is required to go to university, can be forgotten if students did not repeat them as soon as finishing the school programs. A good illustration for this is mathematic equations which need to study more and more to remember them if they leave them to some extent. Hence, not only delaying in taking knowledge is not acceptable, but it can reduce the enthusiasm of students to participate in the university. To conclude, getting a vocation between school and academic levels can be rewarding and problematic. While the achieved knowledge can have more profit to the students, there being far away from studying may be reduce their motivation to start the education.
Work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is one of the issues that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need it for the sake of being successful in a career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that for one or two years doing a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can be rewarding. Although there are a number of benefits involved in
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, the drawbacks accruing to career for the youth are by no means negligible.

On the plus side, the advantage of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
of starting academic level are manifold. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
operate several years in the workplaces, including at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, manufactures and organizations, they acquired the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in their future occupation.
Simply
put, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
could enhance the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after registering for the courses in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as a worker in the garden
for example
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are more likely to take in the new knowledge about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
agriculture and
they may interest to this field.
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
would comprehend lessons
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
others.
Hence
, the more job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
of starting academic, the more chance to be successful in the academy.

However
, the downside cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. By suspending take the education from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, it is
probably
possible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
forgot the main subjects that they have learned at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
That is
to say, all information that
is required
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, can
be forgotten
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did not repeat them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is mathematic equations which need to study more and more to remember them if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Hence
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
delaying in taking knowledge is not acceptable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the enthusiasm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate in the university.

To conclude
, getting a vocation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and academic levels can be rewarding and problematic. While the achieved knowledge can have more profit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, there being far away from studying may be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
their motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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