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Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Other would prefer to live alone. Which would you prefer and why? v.3

Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Other would prefer to live alone. Which would you prefer and why? v. 3
People have different views about a rustic's advance. Some believe that it should be evaluated by economic growth, whereas others argue that there are other most essential factors that should be taken into account. In my opinion, the prosperity of an agrarian has many contributing factors, one of which is the schooling. Although economic growth has an undeniable effect, a successful provincial offers many other vital factors for its population. Firstly, from a social point of view, successful countries should be socially developed. Therefore, people would benefit from the security, welfare, and also health care. Consequently, in successful countries, people have a high quality of life. Secondly, the political aspect plays an important role in the prosperity of a bucolic. Those nations which benefit from democracy as well as having the freedom of speech are successful. Thirdly, a rustic’s discipline, organization should be seen as another factor in its success. In other words, a good training structure is a major factor in the development of a homey. In successful countries, governments and authorities pay more attention to providing an efficient education system. I personally believe that all these variables play an important role in a country's success, but learning is beyond them. In other words, a good literacy system is a must for having a successful country. It has a considerable effect on other factors as well. For instance, it affects people's political points of view. As a consequence, individuals will be awakened from their fundamental right which calls democratic freedom. For another instance, people's health is improved when an agrarian has trained doctors. Finally, the economy of a homey can also be affected as a result of having highly educated employees. In conclusion, although a homey's success is measured by numerous factors, I assume that schooling is the most essential one.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about a rustic's advance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it should
be evaluated
by economic growth, whereas others argue that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
most essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that should
be taken
into account. In my opinion, the prosperity of an agrarian has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, one of which is the schooling.

Although economic growth has an undeniable effect, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
provincial offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for its population.
Firstly
, from a social point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
socially
developed.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would benefit from the security, welfare, and
also
health care.
Consequently
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a high quality of life.
Secondly
, the political aspect plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the prosperity of a bucolic. Those nations which benefit from democracy
as well
as having the freedom of speech are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Thirdly
, a rustic’s discipline, organization should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in its success. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
training structure is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in the development of a homey. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and authorities pay more attention to providing an efficient education system.

I
personally
believe that all these variables play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a country's success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learning is beyond them. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
literacy system is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It has a considerable effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
as well
.
For instance
, it affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's political points of view. As a consequence, individuals will
be awakened
from their fundamental right which calls democratic freedom. For another instance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
when an agrarian has trained doctors.
Finally
, the economy of a homey can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as a result
of having
highly
educated employees.

In conclusion
, although a homey's success
is measured
by numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, I assume that schooling is the most essential one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Other would prefer to live alone. Which would you prefer and why? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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