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Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v.1

Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v. 1
Crime is one of the most worrying and prevailing aspects of society. A large number of countries are facing the escalating statistics of crimes in recent times. Out of many, some of the significant causes are poverty, illiteracy, and lack of tolerance. Certain measures such as law enforcement and awareness through education can play a fruitful role to overcome this ever-increasing crime rate. Nowadays, crime has become a threatening issue for the citizens of a country as the security and sovereignty of the nations come first. Firstly, the main cause of alarmingly increasing crimes is poverty as the underdeveloped countries are facing a lack of resources such as the provision of necessities and employment. Therefore, people are inclined towards stealing and snatching from those who are privileged. Secondly, illiteracy and inability to tolerate others in the name of religion contributes to the commitment of crimes as people are insensitive towards the beliefs of others and they may not hesitate in committing murders which is a serious crime above all. Undoubtedly, crimes are caused mainly due to the lack of primary amenities which provokes the offenders to incline towards committing serious crimes to fulfil their needs. To combat this situation, the role of government and higher authorities cannot be neglected as they are the ones who can deal with these causes effectively. Law enforcement agencies can play an active part in putting offenders in prison and certain punishments can deter the people to think before committing any crime. For instance, local police patrolling around in neighbourhoods can keep an eye on the burglars who are roaming in the streets with the intention of robbery. Additionally, awareness programs on crimes can play a substantial role in educating people, especially the young ones, as to how it can leave a detrimental effect on one's well being for the rest of their lives. In conclusion, it is high time that the countries should focus on addressing the factors contributing to an increasing number of crimes such as poverty, illiteracy, and intolerance. However, combating them by taking the right measures from law enforcement to awareness campaigns can be a sigh of relief for the citizens in living peacefully within their countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is one of the most worrying and prevailing aspects of society.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing the escalating statistics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in recent times. Out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
significant causes are poverty, illiteracy, and lack of tolerance. Certain measures such as law enforcement and awareness through education can play a fruitful role to overcome this ever-increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has become a threatening issue for the citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as the security and sovereignty of the nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
.
Firstly
, the main cause of
alarmingly
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is poverty as the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing a lack of resources such as the provision of necessities and employment.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
towards stealing and snatching from those who
are privileged
.
Secondly
, illiteracy and inability to tolerate others in the name of religion contributes to the commitment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are insensitive towards the beliefs of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they may not hesitate in committing murders which is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
above all
.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are caused
mainly
due to the lack of primary amenities which provokes the offenders to incline towards committing serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to fulfil their needs.

To combat this situation, the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and higher authorities cannot
be neglected
as they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who can deal with these causes
effectively
. Law enforcement agencies can play an active part in putting offenders in prison and certain punishments can deter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, local police patrolling around in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the burglars who are roaming in the streets with the intention of robbery.
Additionally
, awareness programs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can play a substantial role in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, as to how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a detrimental effect on one's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, it is high time that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should focus on addressing the factors contributing to an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as poverty, illiteracy, and intolerance.
However
, combating them by taking the right measures from law enforcement to awareness campaigns can be a sigh of relief for the citizens in living
peacefully
within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share their rooms with roommates. Which way of living do you think is better for students and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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