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The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. v. 1
In recent decades, the question of whether or not the government should pay for children's education has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant There are a number of drawbacks of sponsorship. Fist, since a sustainable development of a nation requires to have many investments in many fields, paying all of the costs for children's science can put more burden on the national budget. In fact, the governments need to fund properly for many key areas, such as healthcare, economy, education, which implies that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility of paying for their kids'schooling fees. Second, by supporting kid's education by national budget, the governments could create unfairness to childless people. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their money is not spent on their benefits. There are a variety of benefits of paying for children's education. Fist, in order to encourage more children to go to school, the school fees funded by the governments are necessary. In fact, children are the future of a country, thereby the greater investment the authority make in their education, the better workforce they have down the road, which flourishes economically. Second by paying all of the costs for children's education, low-income families can have more money to spend on better nutrition and health care for children than before. Therefore, the investment in health care would not put more burden on national budgets. In conclusion, the advantages will be far more significant. By considering the pros and cons, the governments can make the best decisions
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
significant


There are a number of drawbacks of sponsorship. Fist, since a sustainable development of a nation requires to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
Consider using "all the".
all of the
costs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
science can put more burden on the national budget. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
need to fund
properly
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
key areas, such as healthcare, economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which implies that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
for their kids'schooling fees. Second, by supporting kid's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by national budget, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could create unfairness to childless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their money is not spent on their benefits.

There are a variety of benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Fist, in order to encourage more children to go to school, the school fees funded by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are necessary. In fact, children are the future of a country, thereby the greater investment the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the better workforce they have down the road, which flourishes
economically
. Second by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
Consider using "all the".
all of the
costs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, low-income families can have more money to spend on better nutrition and health care for children than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Therefore
, the investment in health care would not put more burden on national budgets.

In conclusion
, the advantages will be far more significant. By considering the pros and cons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
decisions
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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